August 31 Update

I thank my God in all my remembrance of you, always offering prayer with joy in my every prayer for you all, in view of your participation in the gospel from the first day until now. For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus. For it is only right for me to feel this way about you all, because I have you in my heart, since both in my imprisonment and in the defense and confirmation of the gospel, you all are partakers of grace with me. For God is my witness, how I long for you all with the affection of Christ Jesus. And this I pray, that your love may abound still more and more in real knowledge and all discernment, so that you may approve the things that are excellent, in order to be sincere and blameless until the day of Christ; having been filled with the fruit of righteousness which comes through Jesus Christ, to the glory and praise of God.
- Philippians 1:3-11

Dear friends,

I thank my God in all my remembrance of you.

On this very day a year ago, I embarked on my last first day of school for what I hoped to be the last time (at least for a long while) and, over the course of the year, wrestled with this idea of the journey to Auckland.

And here we are now, a year later. I was hoping to at least have my flights to Auckland booked by now, but as it turns out, things don't always turn out the way we hope. The visa application process has been made more complicated because they are requiring extra documentation from the States side since I have lived there for more than five years. So now we are still waiting for all the extra documents to be processed.

But waiting is not a fun game, especially while I'm in between places and countries. The feeling of displacement is unsettling, but that is the reality for now. Your thoughts and prayers for patience and for the rest of this process to go smoother than it has so far would be greatly appreciated.

In the meantime, I have enjoyed spending time with family and old friends. I have also been coaching a student from Thailand who is preparing for an English placement test to get into the public schools here. Because I grew up speaking two languages fluently, it never crossed my mind how challenging English grammar can be. And try getting someone whose first language doesn't differentiate the R and L sounds and have a hard time with the S sounds to say, "close to the coast" and you get variations like "crose to the clothes" and "clothes to the coats."

As I write, I recall the words of Paul, so well-narrated by Todd Faulkner, campus pastor at Anderson University, who spoke at Park Place two Sundays before I left. I thank my God in all my remembrance of you. I long to be in so many places -- Anderson, which became home for the last seven years; Germany, a place with so many dear friends and fond memories; Auckland, the place that I have wrestled with landing in for the past year; and Singapore where so much of me still finds its roots here -- each of these places because of you. But regardless of where you are, and regardless of how frustrating the journey has been, I thank my God in all my remembrance of you.

"For it is only right for me to feel this way about you all, because I have you in my heart ... you all are partakers of grace with me. For God is my witness, how I long for you all with the affection of Christ Jesus."

Thank you for your encouragement along this journey. I apologise if I haven't written back to you personally; time has not always been on my side. And thank you especially to each one of you who have asked, prayed and been so supportive of this journey.

I carry your heart

Penang Highlights Part #1

Penang is a place that I haven't been to since... Oh, I think before my sister was born (She turns 17 today, by the way. If you see her around Anderson, give her a big happy birthday shout out!). This past weekend, my mum, Auntie Audrey (a friend from church) and I took a quick weekend getaway there.

It's fascinating to go back to a place where you haven't been to in a while, and seeing things through different lenses.

Our primary purpose of going there was to eat and shop (this is a getaway after all) because things were a lot cheaper there (they are about the same price if we did a dollar-to-dollar comparison, but the exchange rate is about S$1 to RM2.45). I usually do my major shopping once a year when I'm back in Singapore because we'll go to some part of Malaysia for a day or weekend and we'll get our shopping done then. This time though, my luggages are already packed and ready for New Zealand, so I didn't get to do as much shopping. But I still returned with a very full stomach and so much more food for thought.

Colonial Roots

Maybe it's because so much of the research I had been doing for my last semester of seminary revolved around the impact of colonialism in New Zealand, the fact that Penang was one of the Straits Settlements was of a lot more interest to me. Sure, the Brits didn't do a very good job defending their colonies during World War II, but if not for them, Singapore would not have achieved the economic status that we have today. Which makes me think, maybe the Brits didn't do all bad.

Or perhaps, it's a matter of building upon whatever good or bad the Brits may have done for the betterment of the quality of lives for the people. Penang, in a lot of ways, as my mum and Auntie Audrey were eager to point out, reminded them a lot of Singapore in their childhood. A lot of their equivalent of a "town square" is very similar to Singapore's City Hall area, what with the Padang, the Esplanade and the like.

The second morning we were there, we went up Penang Hill by the cable car. On the top of the hill, there was a Masjid, a Hindu temple and a bunch of houses from the colonial era, many of which were built by hand because there would not have been machinery available for those purposes at the time. These are now private homes, many of which function as vacation homes owned by foreign investors because most of the locals probably would not be able to afford them.

Cabbie Culture

Something that was really fascinating to me was what I started to observe as "Cabbie Culture". Cabs don't go out on the streets like they do in Singapore or New York City, so you have to either call ahead or wait at a hotel or shopping mall (much like Anderson, I suppose?). But even there, there's a code of conduct. Cabbies who get there first get the first customers even if the customers talk to other cabbies. It is understood that if there's someone who got there ahead of you, you have to let them have the customer and wait your turn. One cab driver told us he had been waiting outside our hotel since 5am that morning, and when it was his turn to drive us, it was around 9am.

On an average, cabdrivers make about RM60 per day (S$24, US$20). On good days, they can get up to RM120, and that is usually on days when they know they will have an influx of tourists (usually dependent on Singapore's holiday season). Cabbies are given a list of when cruise ships from Singapore arrive (usually every other Monday) so they know when to go to the jetty.

The Church of God in Penang

We had the opportunity to visit the Church of God congregation while we were there. Pastor Sunny, his wife, and two of their three kids came and picked us up that morning. On the way there, they explained to us that the church recently officially became recognised as a deaf church. The congregation is made up of maybe 20-30 people, and about half of the group is deaf.

It was fascinating watching the way the deaf congregation communicates because as Pastor Sunny's wife (I really should remember her name, but I don't) pointed out, there are no secrets in the deaf community because everyone sees what everyone else is signing. They are less embarrassed by anything, and are very eager to welcome new people in their midst even if it is difficult for both sides to communicate.

She also pointed out that even in the deaf community, there are cultural differences. In a recent conference, other deaf churches in the area got together and she said you could tell who are from Kuala Lumpur (capital of Malaysia) and Singapore. The ones from the cities tend to be more educated and have a broader worldview while the ones from Penang, for example, tend to be more oppressed by their families because they were perceived as bad luck. She went on to say that it is for that reason that the sermons we hear in the church are simpler so that the deaf community will be better able to understand that the Gospel is FOR them.

What a noble concept, huh?

Still to come: The Peranakan Culture and Meeting Jesus at Kek Lok Si 極樂寺

Happy 31st Birthday, Church of God Singapore

I'm starting to realise that probably after Christmas and maybe Chinese New Year, this time of the year is probably the best to be back in Singapore.

A week ago today, we celebrated Singapore's National Day. Even though we didn't do anything particularly festive on National Day, just being amongst others who knew the significance of the day (regardless of how much or little it meant to them) is still refreshing.

On Sunday, I got to celebrate the 31st anniversary of the Church of God in Singapore, the church that I grew up in.

Kids doing their special item

The kids and youth presented a few special items in celebration. It was one of many moments this week that made me realise again, I'm not as young as I think I am anymore. I couldn't recognise any of the kids anymore because most of them were teeny babies when I left. And when Carissa and Yan Zhang got up to sing, I could not have been more proud of the not-so-little-anymore MingMing who sounds so much like Ingrid Michaelson, one of my favourite indie artistes.

Rev Timothy Khoo

The theme for this year at our church is to go and make disciples (based on the Great Commission text in Matthew). I'll admit that the cynic in me was already starting to go, "Oh, here we go again with another overdone sermon. Make your three points, la di da and end with the whole go ye therefore and make disciples, do the altar call and be done so we can go eat." Even if the preacher was someone I had quite a lot of respect for, how different can Great Commission sermons get?

And then he launched into Bonhoeffer's The Cost of Discipleship.

Yup. Had me totally suckered in. Even if the main message of his sermon was somewhat cliche, that he talked about Bonhoeffer and drew several parallels to the personal journey that I've been on in the last seven years made it difficult for me to write off the message.

After service was over, there was the usual anniversary lunch. As always, it was fun to be back with the old gang and feeling like (at least amongst some) I've never left. And then there was that little big surprise.

My pastor had told me earlier that week that there was an old friend that I needed to meet again when I was at church that Sunday. This was the father of a guy whom I was in the same class with in Primary 1 and 2 (1st and 2nd grade), who also happened to be a part of my pastor's accountability group. As it turns out, he had a gift for me that was beyond anything I had expected. And now the fundraising effort for this year is even closer to being done!

Solomon and "Uncle" Ben

The festivities continued as the old gang (that now included the "generation" younger than us) migrated to someone's home where we found their parents had also invited their friends (many of whom were parents of our peers) over. The after-party consisted of way too much ice-cream, running around with babies and teaching them to not be afraid of dogs, Uncle Jeffrey showing off his brand new coffee-maker and a lot of card games.

It was good to be home. One of many homes.

Tutoring
This week has been one of those times that I wish I spoke Thai. I've been working with a kid from Thailand to get him ready for his English entrance exam. While he's already able to communicate fairly well, trying to explain this whole grammar and sentence structure thing is a pain. Something comes up every night that boggles my mind. Last night I learnt that in the Thai language, it's difficult to differentiate between the R sounds and the L sounds. So when he tried to say "close to the coast" we got variations like, "crose to the clothes," and "clothes to the coats."

Visa Updates:
Well, I've had many queries about what's going on with the visa, so here's the quick lowdown.

I was initially supposed to apply for a 1-year visa, but after some conversations with the church in New Zealand, we decided that it might be easier to go ahead and apply for a 2-year visa so that we don't have to renew it again next year. But there are extra documents required for a 2-year visa, which include a medical exam and a background check. As of earlier today, the medical exam is done and I'm clear to go. I've turned in the paperwork for the background check, so now we wait. It's likely I won't be able to leave before Sep 1 as we had hoped, because the background check won't be ready till Aug 29, and it will be another 10 days or so before the visa gets approved.



Alright, I have more to write, but I'm about to head out for dinner with an old friend from Anderson who's in town, and will be off to Penang for the weekend.

Love you all.

These Things Used to be Normal

Ok, this living in too many different parts of the world thing is starting to really annoy me.

I walked in to the hospital yesterday to get my medical exam done for the visa application. The lady who was helping me get registered asked for my passport instead of my IC (Singaporean Identification Card). She apologised when I asked if it was ok to use my IC instead because apparently I didn't look like a Singapore citizen?

With all this paperwork that has to be done and all the running around to different places to get official documents, more than once I got a weird look because I had to apologise that I didn't know my cell-phone number.

At one point, the lady at the bank thought I was nuts for not having a cell-phone number that didn't belong to my family. The number I finally gave her after fumbling around for a long time was already in their system--under my sister's name.

When I was applying for my ATM card, the lady thought I was nuts because I didn't know that ATM cards here don't expire, so the one I had applied for when I was 16 is still valid--and shredded in some incinerator somewhere in Indiana.

Then when I couldn't remember how I used to sign my name at the bank 7 years ago, I had to apologise that I haven't used that bank account in 7 years.

Or the fact that I'm suddenly very aware of the amount of diversity we have on our little island. The radiographer that did my x-ray yesterday was Filipino. The receptionists were Thai. The lady that did my blood-work today was Indian.

These things used to be normal. But the Singaporean in me is still 18 years-old, doesn't know how the banks work, and stuck in 2004.

Instead, my "normal" is catching people by surprise.

The lady who did my blood-work was super impressed that I managed to get a job working in a church in New Zealand.

And then having to explain that not all church people are humble are easy to work with.

And cringing when I hear the word "back-sliding" used on people who haven't gone to church for a while.

And explaining post-Christian Europe to non-church friends.

Sigh.

In a Heartbeat

Well, we're at a day shy of a week since I left the cornfields. After a relatively uneventful 36 hour extended stay in LA, I'm back here on the sunny island. So here are a few quick highlights from this week:

In a Heartbeat, 36 hours in LA:
So when I found out I had an 18 hour layover in LA, I put something out on Facebook hoping that some kind soul who lived within reasonable distance from LAX would take me in for the night. Sure enough, within a couple days, a friend in the Cayman Islands managed to talk to a friend who lives ten minutes from LAX to ask if they could pick me up from the airport and host me for the night. That same week, another friend that I had gotten to know during our stint in Germany (he's originally from Zionsville, Indiana but is now in LA) asked if we'd get to hang out while I was there. So upon getting in to LAX I was greeted by a Thai/Filipino couple who were my hosts for the night.

Breakfast with Jack at S&W Diner in Culver City, CA

The next morning, Jack, the old friend from our Germany adventures picked me up and we went for breakfast at the S&W Diner in Culver City. The food was interesting, but the conversation was what I needed. I hadn't realised until then that with the way the last couple months had been such a roller-coaster of emotions, I had gotten so discouraged with this whole move to New Zealand. Did I still believe this was the right thing to do for this season? With all my heart. Was I still excited about it? I couldn't really say that anymore. But hearing Jack's stories of his two months out on the west coast, the initial struggles and now getting to a place where he's getting closer to finding peace with what he's doing... It reminded me of that adventure spirit that I guess I had lost in the last two months of dreariness.

Long Beach, CA

I guess after that conversation, I was starting to feel again like I could go out and conquer the world. Because when I ended up getting stuck for 18 extra hours and Singapore Airlines offered to check us into a hotel in Long Beach, my first thought was, why not? I've not been to Long Beach, and I was ready to take on this adventure.

Long Beach, CA

As it turns out, there wasn't much to do or see in Long Beach, but it did give me time to explore a new city by myself. More importantly, it gave me time to be quiet and listen to my own thoughts, and talk to the Greater Being--both things I hadn't had the time to do in a while.

36 hours in LA made me thankful for global connections with friends. It made me realise again, home can be anywhere and everywhere--as long as I have friends. But quiet is good too. Would I relive those 36 hours? In a heartbeat.

In a Heartbeat, I'll be There for You:
Tuesday was Singapore's National Day. This is the first time in seven years that I get to be here for the celebration of our independence from the Brits 46 year ago.

I'm not one for extreme nationalism or patriotism, but when you've been away from one of your homes for so long, you cannot help but miss the red and white flags decking out the HDB flats. And when you wake up to all the old-school National Day songs being blasted from the primary school next door, you can't help feeling like a kid again, waving the flags that are probably homemade using an A4-sized paper and colouring the top half of it all red except the spots for the moon and those five white stars that don't look very nice because they were drawn free hand, then stuck either to two McD's straws or satay sticks attached back to back.

Even before getting back to this side of the world, Twitter had already informed me that this year's patriotic/brainwashing song (depending on your take on the government and the National Education curriculum) was titled, "In a Heartbeat." The music video, as usual reeks of nostalgia and all the usual NE elements of racial harmony and the likes. And every year, Kit Chan's, "Home" makes a comeback and tries to make you thankful that no matter where in the world you are, Singapore will always have enough room for you to claim it as home, even in all it's overpopulatedneas. All things I never appreciated enough until seven years away from it all.

Brother Frank at East Coast Park

This year's National Day was spent lunching with half the clan of cousins, then going cycling at East Coast Park with the parents and their students, much like what we used to do when we were kids. And we got home just in time for the last five minutes of the parade where they recited the pledge, and had a Malay kid singing Majulah Singapura. It was my reminder that we are a migrant nation after all, and it's only right that we recognise the native Malays on our national day. The rest of us only have a stake in this land because the Malays saw the benefits of the alliance with the Brits that allowed migration to flourish. So who are we to start speaking against foreign talent now?

In a Heartbeat, Best Friends Forever:
For some time now, the BFF and I have been talking about experimenting with living on $10 for a day. Some time ago I told her about the CSM experience in NYC where we were given $10 for dinner for our group of 5, and that had to feed an additional person as well. Our $10/day adventure may not be much of a sacrifice compared to what two-thirds of the world are living (or even in our secondary school days), but with the new level of life quality we've come to understand, we wondered if it would be possible for us to go back to  the $10/day budget. Here's what we learnt:

Juan's Ban Mian (板面)

1) $4 used to buy us a lot more.
For lunch, Juan got ban mian (板面) for $3.80. I got beef noodles for $4. Back on the day, chicken rice outside TK was $2, and lemon tea was $1.

2) Neighbourhoods in Singapore are "self-sustainable"

Ya Kun

We figured out that the best way to maximise our $10 was to stay in one place so we don't have to pay for transport. After meeting up in town since that's where the New Zealand Immigration office is, we decided to take a bus to Parkway, our old haunt from TKGS days and start our $10 adventure from there. We found enough things to do to entertain ourselves from 1:30 pm to 7 pm. After lunch, we went to Giant where we each got a bottle of green tea for $0.99, then window-shopped some and reminisced about the good old days. At about 4, we went to Ya Kun and had tea for $1.50 each, and peanut kaya toast for $2.

KFC

3) $10/day is doable, and we'd save a whole lot of money if we just lived like that.
At around 6, we wandered in to KFC and got ourselves the 4-winglet snacker-meal. Considering the way we had been eating all day, 4 winglets, fries and a small coke between the two of us was enough for dinner, and we even had $1.30 left!

What I really came to appreciate about this though, is the steadfastness of this friendship. We've both changed so much over the last 10 years that we've been friends. And even with my recent "craziness" in wanting to live simply and walking the path that this part of my world may not understand, she's still supportive and interested, and wants to be a part of this madness in her own way.


So that's been the craziness of life in the last week, along with trying to get the visa processed in time for the September departure date. Oh, and I've also started tutoring one of my mum's students from Thailand, helping him prepare for his English entrance test so that he can get into the public school systems here.

Has this been a fun week? Heck yes.

Love you all.

P.S. I've been "encouraged" to start sharing a small part of my blog with my new travel companion, Brother Frank. Brother Frank (better known as St Francis of Assisi) sits on a chain that was given to me by one of my Anderson Pops, Ed Fry. He will be making a special appearance on this blog every now and then to help document our travels.

From Brother Frank:

New experiences this week! Night time in the city, and bubble tea!

From the 13th floor of Jael's parents' apartment, overlooking the parking lot downstairs. This is at about 9pm on Sunday, just after we got home from the airport.

My first bubble tea experience at Gong Cha

Dear Keren #13: $150 Excess Baggage

Dear Keren,

I sat by the coast at Long Beach yesterday and watched the people and the waters. There's something calming about the way the scent of the sea breeze filling your lungs and watching the waters make their way to the shore, even if it's manmade. Then again, maybe it's the soul of the city child that longs for manmade beauty to bring comfort.

How do I even begin to put to words everything that has transpired in the last couple of months?

In the span of a couple weeks, the material things that marked the pieces of my life in the last seven years had to be reduced to two suitcases and a duffle bag. Furniture was sold. I had to figure out what amongst the ridiculous amounts of t-shirts that had accumulated through my college years carried enough sentimental value to not be thrown into one of seven trash bags to be brought to the Christian Center. Trinkets and books went into separate boxes: two for the Christian Center and two for storage with the adopted family.

Even after that, I still had to pay $150 for excess baggage.

Part of me wants to ask, why can't the world be more understanding about me moving halfway across the world, and just waive the $150. Another part of me wants to ask, why would they understand? Why should they?

And then there's another thing that struck me as odd. Seven years ago when I left, I carried with me picture frames that held images of persons I considered important to me. This time, it didn't even occur to me I should be packing those. If I did, the excess baggage fee would be so much more because I now have way too many of those, in too many different parts of the world. Which makes me thankful for me iTouch because I can keep these on Facebook. I've never been one to purchase gadgets like these regardless of my fascination with them, but considering how it made the additional eighteen hours I had to spend in LA more bearable, I don't have a choice but to be thankful. And especially now, too, that I can be typing this while I'm on the plane.

So you see, so much has changed in these seven years. I remember still so clearly, what it was like that Friday, August 20, 2004 (see, I even write my date differently now) when I boarded that SQ flight to be transported to LAX. As I was sorting through the old junk, I came across the journal that I kept during that transitional time. Apparently, I had written something along the lines of somehow magically wishing that maybe when I got off the plane, I wouldn't be facing the cornfields of Indiana, but would find the familiar faces that I had just left behind in SIN there ready to welcome me. And today, I have that same feeling. Except I was wishing for my Anderson family to be greeting me in SIN.

Typically on the flight back over Christmas break, whenever I had an option between the Asian or Western meals, I'd go for the one from the region I'd go for the Asian one because it was semblance of home. On this flight, they even have movies by Singaporean producers in preparation for the National Day celebration, but it made me sick in the stomach realizing that even if Kit Chan's "Home" were playing in the background right now, the home that I would be sick for would be in places I would never have dreamed seven years ago. Places like Anderson, Portland and Silverthorne. And not because of Layton Road or Pershing Dr, or University Blvd or College Ave, Hawthorne Ave or I-70 West.

But the people.

These are the people who have walked through the crap that life has thrown me since you died four years ago. They are the ones who understand why I grief the way I do every August 3. I still miss you, but I also miss the part of me, and the sense of home that died along with you that day. They are the Emilys who don't try to hurry me along the journey of healing, but go to the site of the accident to sit with me and lay flowers by your tree, even if they didn't feel comfortable doing that. They are the Jens, the Amitys and the Pauls who laughed at my faith crises not because they thought I was being ridiculous, but because even if I tried to not have that typical Seminarian faith crises, they were glad I was doing seminary well enough to really let it challenge me. They are the Tims who change my oil for free, and the Nikkis who challenged me to really think about the implications of this thing called free-will. They are the Emilys and Ashleys who drop everything to take me to Sno Castle in my last hour in Anderson, the Ricks that we run into just as he is getting off work who jumps into the car with us, and the Jasons and Michaels who upon receiving a text that says nothin more than "Sno Castle. Right now." rearranges their work schedule so they can be there. They are the Amandas who, with one Skype call makes me feel like my soul has just been cleansed. They are the Dans and Christys, the Johns and Jodies, the Darlenes, the Ruths who keep cheering me on on this wild journey in pursuit of those dreams. They are the Macs and Jeans, the Phils and Phyllises, the Dorises and Jacquies who "grandparent" from the sidelines but give me space to grow. They are the Eds and the Heidis who create space for my friends, the Thads, Tobys and Theos who can sweet-talk me into reading Harry Potter and bungee jump off a tall building for them. They are the Hannahs and Jamies who call before I leave. They are the Alexs who just show up. They are the Beccas and the Sharyns who understand why the news I received just before leaving create so much anxiety because of the prophetic call in my life, and remind me that even if I wasn't leaving, nothing would change. They are the Jacks whose kindred spirit refreshed my soul and reignited the passion to live this crazy life after a dreary two months of "until next times." They are the Ryans who share my beliefs about community, the Mikes who remind me of what is important in ministry, the Coppesses who takes the time to be serious every once in a while to ask how I'm doing, and the Carmas, Joyces, Kathis and Paulas who make time for me. They are the Arthurs and Judys, the Pauls and Debbies who give me permission to say I have a home (their home) in Anderson and Portland.

These are the things that make home for me. And since it will be a while before we land and my bubble of home is burst by the reality check, let me slide back into denial for a while, shut off into my world of Bejeweled where I can pretend I can smack-talk Coppess, Tim and Nikki, or read Harry Potter pretending I can talk to Thad, Jen, Alex, Tim, Nikki, Tim, Kit, Jacob, Emily and Ashley about it.

Dear Keren #12 - 4 Years Ago...

Dear Keren,

I will always remember the events of this night four years ago.

Likewise, I will always remember the events of this day four years from now.

So much to feel, think, say, do, write.

But for now, sleep calls.

Love,
Me