Joy: A Paradox

I've started writing, stopped, deleted the draft and walked away. A few days later, I come back to that same place of starting, stopping, deleting and walking away.

How do we talk about Joy of Advent while this heaviness looms over our heads?

People are hurting.
People are talking.
People are rallying.
People are fighting.
People are trying to find someone or something to blame.

Whether we realise it or not, whenever tragedies strike, we try to find someone or something to blame.

If she hadn't gotten into the car that day, that wouldn't have happened.
If we had done more for his mental health, he wouldn't have gone and shot kids.
If people were in better agreement about the legal stand on violence, he would not have owned the gun in the first place.

She said...
He said...

Today I went over to meet with Nina about costumes for the kids for something we're doing on Sunday. We both knew we had most of the ideas sorted but we always need that one extra meeting just to talk it through again.

But today, we didn't really do much work. We sat outside and watched the dogs play. And we talked about the heaviness.

This is Nina's first Christmas without her dad who, for 51 years, had been the rock in her life. She said she kept putting off the Christmas cards because she didn't want to not be able to send one to her dad.

And then we talked some more about death and dying. And about how we always feel the need to find something or someone to blame--the forces of nature, God, legislature, sin... the list goes on.

"But that's not what really matters, is it? I mean, we think that finding someone or something to blame helps us bring closure when the reality is, with some things there will never be closure."

Every August, I watch the seasons change, remembering the autumn leaves that sat with me in a very dark place when first Keren in 2007, then my uncle and grandpa in 2008, died.
Every time a kindred from SOT days posts something on Facebook or Twitter that makes me jump up and down excitedly screaming inside, "YES! Someone gets it!", I weep a little that I never had time to grieve leaving one of many communities I hold dear to my heart because everyone was ushering me off into the excitement of New Zealand that I wasn't ready for.

Arthur says it's important to remember. "It is, I'm convinced, a spiritual practice that, like all practices, needs to be practiced!"

So we sit outside and sip wine when Erin arrived after picking the girls up from school. And we talked some more and remembered some more.

"So what do we do? We just love one another. People are not going to stop dying or leaving. But loving one another--that, we can do."

So we sit outside a little longer and watch the sun begin to finish its round for the day, and welcome the evening air. The sun lifts the spirits, but sometimes it's too much, too strong, and too soon. But a greater Light is coming that will defeat the darkness not in a piercing ray, but in tenderness that says,

"Very truly, I tell you, you will weep and mourn, but the world will rejoice; you will have pain, but your pain will turn into joy ... So you have pain now; but I will see you again, and your hearts will rejoice, and no one will take your joy from you."

And until then, we keep on carrying each other's hearts.

O Come Emmanuel 

Requiem for Joy

Children are children all over the world
They share the same big sky of blue

RT @ChannelNewsAsia *JUST IN* Shooting at an elementary school in Connecticut, USA: police

The earth is like God's egg. He sits on it and protects it.

Francisco and Martita
El Salvador/Romania
Keren
Gerson
We sat across each other at IHOP years after you were gone.
Holding hands.
Crying.
Praying.
Too soon.


They share the same sun and the wind and the rain
The moon, and the same stars as you

RT @ChannelNewsAsia Children among dead in #newtown shooting in Connecticut, US

And then there are earthquakes and volcanoes.

Sieg and Sanna
Hannover, Germany
Amy
I don't remember your name.
But I slept in your room on your bed after you were gone.
And watched your parents and sister quietly grieve.
Too soon.


They find games to play, just like you, everyday
They have birthdays and holidays, too

RT @ChannelNewsAsia Up to 27 killed in #SandyHookElementary school shooting in #Newtown #Connecticut, 18 dead are children. Gunman in 20s

There was the one in Japan two years ago.
I was 7, and I cried and cried hoping it wouldn't get to New Zealand.
I wasn't ready to die yet.
- Stella Maaka-McCrea, 9

Todd and Steph
Auckland, New Zealand
I don't know half the story.
Only that it happened
Too soon.


Did you ever think children all over the world
Are just little children like you?

RT ‏@nzherald "Our hearts are broken today ... for the families of those who are lost." @BarackObama

Today we're lighting a candle for faith. Does anyone know what faith means?

"Faith is like believing in something that we cannot see." - Esther McNickle, 7

How are we supposed to light tomorrow's candle for joy?

I think of sweet Essendon at school.
She's not bossy, just a little angry sometimes.
Always ready to protect.

I think of kind Jesse at church.
I told you last week I would help you put up the decorations.
Always ready to  help.

I shudder at what it would be like to lose them.
Or to walk with them through an episode of innocence lost.

And then Jen reminds me...

this is my father's world.
oh, let me never forget
that though the wrong seems oft so strong,
god is the ruler yet.

So we light a candle anyway.

Hope, Faith and one for the
children in Connecticut and around the world

We sit in darkness and grapple with what it means to make room for joy even when we're not ready for it to come.

"For darkness will not overcome the light."

"There is no way to God except through human frailty ... Only when we encounter God in our deepest, darkest places do we have something to offer the world" - Jim McInnes, Te Atatu Bible Chapel

Kyrie Eleison, Christe Eleison
O Come Emmanuel

Currently: Second Sunday of Advent

Since I haven't really had the inspiration or desire to write proper blogs, I got this idea from a blog I stalk from time to time. The blogger just had a baby recently and had kept a list of questions she answers to keep folks up to date with the pregnancy.

Well, since my life isn't quite as interesting as having a baby, my questions might be a little duller but hopefully I'll start doing a better job of updating from time to time hey?

Currently...

Reading:

Numbers - Since Seminary, I've lost the desire to read the Bible because it started getting too academic. I'd want to exegete everything I read. But a few months back, we were working through stories from 1-2 Kings with the kids and suddenly I realised I wanted to read the Bible just as a storybook all over again. This is probably the furthest I've made with Bible-reading that's non-academic.

John - Advent reading through the book of John.

Psalms and Bonhoeffer's Prayerbook - Rhonda e-mailed me the reading guide that XZBerlin is following at the moment and I've found myself missing that part of communal reading. So this.

A Year with Thomas Merton: Meditations from his journals - just because.

Listening To:

AUSOT podcasts - recently became a normal part of the spiritual diet.

Christmas music - a mix of Straight No Chaser, Vienna Boys Choir and songs about Mary's journey.

Watching:

The Hobbit - went to the midnight premiere with Janice. Feels a lot closer to home this time than watching the LOTR trilogy partly because I actually live in Middle Earth. Martin Freeman does an amazing job as Bilbo Baggins. But of course, Andy Serkis as Gollum is still my favourite. 

Sherlock - found out Janice owns the first 2 series when we helped her move several weeks ago. Benedict Cumberbatch and Martin Freeman are awesome.

Experiments:

(This will feature updates about a couple projects I'm working on. The long term goal of these projects is to figure out what it means contextually to find space for spiritual conversations to happen.)

The Third Place project - Recently realised we're communicating a lot more these days, but not conversing as much. Working on figuring out the whys and implications.

Mission Master Chef - This began as a challenge to find recipes that would cater for folks of all backgrounds - ethnicities, diet constrains, budgets, time etc. Currently on break because of the busyness of Christmas season.

Musings:

If native folks were left alone in the first place, would social welfare even be necessary?

If all have sinned, and all sin is equal, does that mean all are also equally righteous?

There's a difference between condoning certain behaviours and standing in solidarity. We don't condone alcoholism, but we stand with the alcoholics while they go to AA, just as we don't condone kids acting up and being a distraction in kids club, but we stand with them and help them figure out how to manage their own behaviour.

Ministry:

Highlights:

WSKC (Westside Stars Kids Club) kids seem to be getting into the whole Advent calendar thing. And no, I'm not just talking about the countdown calendar, but the liturgy and the story.

SUPAkidz had our last run for the year. It was manic as usual since we're severely under-staffed, but the kids I ran into at Carols on the Green all seemed to love it and want to come back next year.

Lowlights:

Exhausted. It's been tough trying to keep energy levels up on all fronts of the children's ministry at WCF and as much as I've enjoyed both the activities and the kids, I've been simply running on adrenaline since October.

Life in General:

Highlights:

Life has never been as random and spontaneous as it is now. Family coming in 12 days.

Lowlights:

It's difficult being in a place where there are hardly any other 20-somethings close by. While I love the folks I live amongst, most of them are in a different place of life than me and it would be really nice to, for once in my life, act my age.

So there you have it. I'll try to keep this up at least once every other week or so.