Single, Going on 30...

I've written on this on a few other occasions, and have re-posted several similar blog posts about being single that I honestly thought I've made enough noise about where I stand. But more recently, after a few conversations with the BFF and a few other people, I thought it might be time again to revisit this topic.

Yes, I'm just over a year away from turning 30.
No, there is no male person of interest in my life at the moment.
No, it's not a priority--that has not changed.
And no, you're not allowed to make me feel like less of a person because of that.

Well, now that that's out of the system, let's talk.


April next year marks ten years since I've been in a romantic relationship. Sure, there was a lot of pain when we first broke up. He had after all been my best friend for a while before we started going out, and the first to teach me to love myself. But that's already been ten years ago.

So that's not why I'm single today, and ok with it.

I've moved around a lot in the last ten years. It's scary to think about settling down with one person, and committing to going or staying with that one person "till death do us part". But if anything, the last seven weeks on the road by myself has taught me the nomadic life would be easier if there was someone who could be a constant with on the road.

So no, that's also not why I'm single today, and ok with it.

Being the partner of a woman in ministry or leadership can be an intimidating task--and this isn't so much a statement about me or my sisters in ministry. It's about the challenges this partnership has to face in a world that can sometimes be unforgiving towards women in leadership. Some of the people I have the most respect for are my guy friends who stand alongside their wives to defy the conventionally misunderstood "wives submit to your husbands" or that "women should keep silent in the churches".

But again, that's not why I'm single today, and ok with it.

Here are a few other lies I've heard recently about being single:
"Well, God will surely provide!"
"Are you asexual?" (or in a friend's case, a lesbian)
"It must be because you're a raging feminist with a case for being an independent woman."
"Well, you're still young ... Wait, you're 28?" *awkward*

I could keep going on.
What I'm really trying to say is, don't make assumptions about my, or my friends' stories. Ask us what we really think about being single and going on 30. Some days are easier than others to be single, but don't make that a reflection of our relationship with God either.


You wanna know why I'm single, going on 30, and ok with it? Here's why.

I don't know whether I'm "called" to be single, or married, or to have kids, or to adopt, or to live in New Zealand forever, or to be in ministry with university students and young adults forever. None of that is a "call" that is forever in the same way that there is no certainty of death or life.

The only thing I know for certain is that I'm called to be faithful.
Whatever that looks like.

I will be faithful if I were in a season to have kids.
I will be faithful if I were in a season to lose the kids.
I will be faithful if I were in a season to move to Timbuktu.
I will be faithful if I were in a season to go back to children's ministry.
I will be faithful if I were in a season to be married.
I will be faithful if I were in a season to be widowed.

I will be faithful even if I'm hoping to God I will never go back to children's ministry, or for a companion on the road.
I will be faithful even if nothing goes as I hope.

Sure, I'm on the later end of my twenties now.
But age does not change my primary call: to be faithful in all things.

So yes, I'm single.
Yes, I'm going on 30.
And yes, I'm ok with it.

Most days, anyway.

"Only, everyone should live as the Lord has assigned, just as God called each one. I give this order in all the churches." - 1 Corinthians 7:17