My "What If" Life

I was Skyping with Emily this morning and she brought up this thing about the "What If" life. You know, "what if" life could be different? "What if" we hadn't been called to ministry?

I've often wondered about that question too, particularly on days where... Oh, you know, the task of raising $30,000 for immigration seems daunting.


I imagine I likely wouldn't have gone to Anderson University. I would have stayed in Singapore and finished a degree in history because of the influence of the two history teachers I had that taught me to love history.

I imagine this thing called "grad school" or seminary, or getting a Master's degree wouldn't have crossed my mind. I would have gone straight to becoming a history teacher with a passion for war history and the social injustices the people suffered during those war times.

I imagine instead of going to Berlin for an urban ministry internship, I would have gone for a study abroad in, say, Vienna. I've always loved classical music, particularly the way the arts reflect what is going on in the world.

I imagine after all that, I'll settle comfortably into a teaching job and retire as a history teacher some 40-50 years down the road with a healthy amount of savings and a safe amount of retirement in my CPF (Singapore's equivalent to social security).

I imagine instead of travelling between Singapore and the States during my vacation times to visit "family" and fundraise, I'd be taking short weekend trips to various cheap holiday destinations around south east Asia to eat, shop and go to spas.

I imagine I wouldn't be going to a therapist or medicating for depression.

I would be able to leave work at work and not feel the weight of my vocation 24/7.
I would have a steady pay-check and not worry about justifying that I've done enough to warrant asking others to sacrifice a bit of their paycheck so I could also eat and pay bills. And I wouldn't have to worry that I don't have any savings or retirement.
I would have my own little place to live in and accumulate memories rather than live out of boxes and suitcases half the time, waiting for the next time I move halfway across the world again.

But I also imagine that this deep sense of peace and hope I have now would be replaced by an emptiness whose "what if"s included, "What if I really was created for something more?"

Because as so many others have shared with me, if we could do anything else with our lives instead of ministry and be happy, we would have. Yet I'm called to a vocation of building communities that offer hope to places of brokenness, and a safe space for those wandering. And in my own struggle for peace, hope, and an identity that is stripped from cultural and national ties, I find joy in being able to walk those journeys with others, particularly in knowing that this is what I'm created to be.

And I wouldn't trade any of this for the "What If" life.

Stories From The Bridge Part #1 - Christmas at a Ministry House

I first met Nesta about a week ago when Janice, Kathrin and I went to open a new bank account for the National Ministries of the Church of God.

With his, "cool, cool..." and his "sweet as," he sounded as Kiwi as the next bloke on the street. Then today, I found out he's still pretty nervous about his English, albeit less than he was 5 years ago when he first arrived in New Zealand for university. He credits the vast improvement in his language skills to a woman (who just so happened to also be from Singapore!) who was a part of a ministry house community that offered English Bible studies amongst other avenues where he had the opportunity to practise English.

When I told him that if my visa got approved, I would be running a similar ministry house, he said that was definitely needed. "Most students are here by themselves. Thankfully, my dad travelled with me from China and I had an uncle here to help support me. But it can still be lonely. And the people I stayed with in that house, we became really good friends and could help support each other."

When asked if he had plans for Christmas, he said he would have wanted to travel back to China. During his last trip home, he began to realise he needed to be able to make more trips home as he was the only child (thanks to China's one-child policy). But since he only had 2 days off from work, it has become tradition to return to the house he lived in for the last 5 years for their Christmas "family" celebration.


Nesta is only one of many international students in Auckland who was significantly supported by a ministry house. Through the ministry of The Bridge, we hope that we will be able to reach more students. Will you consider supporting our ministry?

Within the US, funds can be sent to:
Global Missions
PO Box 2420
Anderson, IN 46018
(Project number: 42.40411)

In Singapore, contact me or my mum for the account number to transfer funds.

Anywhere else, send us an e-mail at thebridge.akl@gmail.com for bank account information.

Ta muchly. We appreciate you.

The Bridge: The Love's Hangover Connection

I first met Emily my freshman year at Anderson University. She was in high school at the time, but her sister, Irene, was starting college the same year as me. We had gotten connected because her mum was also the office assistant for the international students association, and Emily often spent the time when she wasn’t at school hanging out in the office.

Somewhere between her freshman year at AU (my sophomore year) and my stint in Berlin, we stopped talking. I honestly didn’t even realize it had happened since I had been too self-absorbed in trying to finish college in 3 years to pay attention to the people around me.

Anyhow, the years passed and around the time I was preparing for Berlin, she got in touch and wanted to know if there was anything she and Irene could do to help get me there. One of the first things she said was, “You need to explain this Germany thing to me because you’re not the shove-Bible-down-people’s-throats missionary type, so why are you going, and what will you be doing?”

As I began to explain the ministry of XZBerlin, she said without hesitation that she and Irene were on-board to help fundraise. They had been running a handmade jewelry business for a while by then. As Emily would explain, Love’s Hangover had started as a hobby, but before long there were beads exploding all over their home. Since the beads got kicked out of their family home, they enlisted the help of their brother, Dennis, as their financial advisor, and rented a shop space in Noblesville, Indiana.

As their hobby expanded into a full-time business, Emily began to realize there was potential for Love’s Hangover to help sponsor other charitable organisations and ministry opportunities around the world—which was why she got in touch when she found out I was headed for Berlin. That was the real beginning of our friendship. “Business” conversations aside, she also asked questions about Keren’s death from a spiritual perspective that few others understood. She had also started working closely with one of my former roommates, Daria to start up other projects around the world. As we spent more time together, we often reminisced about our days as international students (Daria is from Poland; Emily and Irene’s family had emigrated from Kenya), and all the times spent with Scott and Anjie Martin who had become like our international mum and dad.

In the time that passed since Berlin, Emily and Love’s Hangover have been an incredible support for all the crazy stuff I’ve taken on around the world. Their business has exploded and taken them all over the US where they have even dressed Hollywood celebrities. Yet Emily still takes the time for small gigs like hosting tea and jewelry parties to help fundraise for The Bridge, for which I’m eternally grateful. I get to give back a little bit once in a while by sending over NZ-style beads and accessories, and generating publicity for them through fundraising projects and other ministry contacts like church craft fairs.

The friendship with Emily and Love’s Hangover has been a big inspiration for the ministry of The Bridge. If not for Scott and Anjie opening their home as a hang-out spot for us as international students, I don’t know that Emily and I would have much to talk about today or still be in contact, much less working together to impact the Kingdom around the world.

Part of what we hope to achieve through The Bridge is that students will be able to develop relationships that they can take with them past graduation, the same way that Emily and Love’s Hangover has been for me. Will you, your church or missions committee consider partnering with us? In time to come, we will be rolling out additional avenues for partnership, but our top priority at this point is fundraising. While we hope to eventually reach a point of self-sustainability, we are needing a start-up fund that will help get the word out about The Bridge and also sponsor my visa application. We are still working through the process through which funds can be received for The Bridge, but we would love to hear from you if you are able to help make this happen, whether through a one-time gift, a pledged donation, or hosting a jewelry and tea party through Love’s Hangover.**

Asante sana
Arohanui

** Limited to areas within reasonable driving distance from Noblesville, Indiana unless you're able to help cover transport costs.

Ministry Update: An Introduction to "The Bridge"

Dear friends,

Two years ago, you journeyed with me to Auckland, New Zealand where I had the opportunity to serve alongside Westside Christian Fellowship (WCF), the Church of God congregation here. It has been two great years of celebrations and struggles; in all, an incredible learning experience I would not have traded for the world. I am thankful for God’s faithfulness and your friendship that has sustained me. As the year draws to a close, my term with WCF will also be concluding. I am excited to share with you about a new ministry that will be starting next year.

The Bridge, Auckland
The Bridge is a collaborative project between the National Ministries of the Church of God, New Zealand and other local organizations in the heart of downtown Auckland. The ministry focuses on developing relationships with international students at Auckland University of Technology (AUT) that will provide foundation for spiritual growth that can be sustained after graduation.

While this ministry has come together in a form and timing I had least expected, that the pieces have fallen into place has only confirmed that God’s hand has been at work weaving it all together. My personal experience as an international student at Anderson University (AU) makes the ministry of The Bridge close to home for me. What helped me flourish as an undergraduate at AU was the presence of the International Students Association, directed by Scott Martin. Scott and Anjie’s home was always open to us as a hang-out spot for game nights, (soccer) World Cups and Superbowls. It was a safe space to be homesick, and to tell stories and make food from our home cultures. Our desire is for The Bridge to provide a similar space for students at AUT.

Partners
Currently, there are on-going conversations with other local organizations to create partnerships that will support each other as we recognize that this ministry cannot exist by itself. International Students Ministries of New Zealand (ISMNZ) is a chaplaincy programme that serves international university students in New Zealand. They offer English as a Second Language (ESL) activities for students who want to brush up on language skills, as well as Bible Study groups that focus on discipleship and evangelism. We are exploring ways to work together to offer a greater variety of resources for students.

Through my current role at WCF, I also have had the opportunity to develop relationships with the Wesleyan Methodist Church of New Zealand (WMCNZ). Rev. Dr. Richard Waugh (national superintendent) and Rev. Amber Livermore (national youth consultant) have played key roles in the brainstorming process for The Bridge. While they have a vibrant national youth ministry at the moment, there is concern that we will lose the youth as they graduate from high school and enter university. We are hopeful that The Bridge can become a safe space for them to explore questions of faith and spirituality.

We are also hoping to partner with local churches to provide “adopt-a-student” schemes and other similar programmes. We currently have the support of WCF and The NZ Journey Community, a ministry led by Rev. Janice Spearritt (ordained minister of the Church of God), and will continue conversations with other congregations in the area to create a network of churches that we can point students to.

And we want you on board as well. Here are some ways you can partner with us:
Begin praying

• Pray for the students that we will be interacting with. Even if they are still in high school at the moment, begin praying that our interactions with them will bring spiritual fruit.
• Pray that we will find an affordable space that can serve both as a ministry house and housing for me.
• Pray for the ministry partners who will come on board, that we may all be able to build relationships with students that will support them along their journey.
• Pray that we will be able to jump through all the hoops to get The Bridge officially recognized as a religious charity organization locally.

Financial gifts
New Zealand immigration and charities commission require that we have evidence of USD$30,000 per year for The Bridge to be registered as an organisation that can sponsor my visa. This amount will cover my living expenses as well as underwrite ministry costs. Will you, your church and/or missions committee consider partnering with The Bridge in this way? Information on where you can send funds will be available soon. · 

The less-conventional ways
Part of the vision of The Bridge is to become a network of resources. In the coming weeks, we will be creating a web presence on Facebook, Twitter (follow @BridgeAKL) and the official The Bridge website. Consider partnering with us through offering resources such as sharing devotional thoughts, event/party ideas, recipes or anything you think a university student might need.

And we hope you will stay in touch. We would love to share stories of what is happening here, and be kept informed of how we might be able to support you as well.

Thank you once again for your friendship and all the different ways you have partnered with the Church of God in New Zealand. We are better when we are together.

Arohanui

The Bridge: Why Me??

Towards the end of my senior year at Anderson University, Ann Smith invited me over for tea one afternoon. If you've not met Ann Smith, she's like the female mix of Gandalf, Dumbledore and Obi-Wan Kenobi, except at least twice as personable, and even more awesome. To say I was awestruck to have tea with her would be an understatement.

But Ann simply wanted to hear my heart. She wanted to know what I would be doing after graduation and how she could pray. At the time, I was concluding a ministry internship where church politics had worn me out, and all I wanted to do was to find a 1-2 year assignment working cross-culturally somewhere before returning to Anderson for seminary. I don't remember how the conversation started, but I found myself telling her about a frustrating conversation I had with God my freshman year.

It was a few weeks into our first semester. Even though the only common language between the three of us were English, I found myself acting as a translator of sorts between a friend from Hong Kong and another from South Korea. It was a classic case of translating bad English to bad English--something I must have mastered growing up in the land of Singlish (another form of bad English mixed with at least two Chinese dialects, Malay and some bits of Tamil). One night, as I was laughing at the ridiculousness of my translator role, I felt this prompting to consider living in China as a missionary after graduation. I remembered thinking God must be crazy. Why would I have had to move halfway across the world only to move back the other way? Wouldn't it have been much shorter if I had simply gone from Singapore to China?

Nothing made sense at the time, but as the years passed, I began to realise if I wouldn't even consider saying yes to moving to China, I wouldn't have been willing to consider moving anywhere. China was slightly more familiar than any other part of the world would have been. It was also the stepping stone for my parents to consider the possibility that I wasn't going to move back to Singapore for a while. It was a lot easier for my dad, a traditional Chinaman, to give his daughter his blessings if she were to move to the "motherland" where our ancestors came from, than to some potato-eating (as opposed to rice-eating) part of the world.

As I shared this part of my story to Ann, she simply smiled and said, "You know, my first call to missions was also to China. To this day, I have lived in Japan and South Korea, but still have not made it to mainland China. I don't know what God is doing with that, but I know there is a reason I'm still passionate about China."

Six years have passed since I graduated from AU. Save from a trip to Canton Province (廣東 or Guang Dong province) in 2009 where our family went to trace our ancestral roots on my dad's side, there still are no signs of me ever moving to China. Instead, I find myself at a cafe in New Zealand, writing this post about why I'm going to help start a ministry to international students in Auckland--most of whom are students who have recently moved here from China for university.

I guess God has a really warped sense of humour.

The Bridge: Foundations

About a year ago, I was asked to help out at a kids' camp. It was a busy time of year at WCF, but because I knew I still had a lot to learn about children's ministry and this would be a good learning opportunity, I decided I would go.

During the camp, Paul, who was one of the directors of the camp, asked if I would share my testimony one night. And so I did. I wrote about it after coming back from camp because it gave me a lot to think about.

On the final day of camp, Paul asked if I could give a ride home to one of the camp leaders and the other camp director, Gwen. As it turned out Gwen's flatmate at the time was an American lady who served as a chaplain at a university here. That she was from Portland, Oregon and was a chaplain to international students (both of which I was really passionate about), gave us a lot in common. If I hadn't been that worn out from camp, I would have stayed for dinner with them. I didn't realise at the time was that that wasn't going to be my last interaction with Carrie.

A few weeks later, I was out running errands with Marilyn and had shared with her about my interest in working with migrants, refugees and international communities--which was why New Zealand even interested me in the very first place. She excitedly told me that her mum had been volunteering with an organisation that helped migrants with their transitions, and that I should have coffee with her. As much as I wanted to, life got busy and that got put on hold.

A few months later, we had a guest speaker one Sunday who worked with migrant and international communities. Merv Coates had also been the professor for pastoral care at Laidlaw Bible College. He and I had several conversations about his work, and he invited me and members from our church to come along to one of the events their ministry was sponsoring. It was at that event that I ran into Carrie again. Because there was so much going on at the time, we never got to talk much.

This was the third time that this idea about working with migrants and international communities had come up, and I was beginning to wonder if God was up to something with these "accidental" run-ins. But again, life happened, and I never got around to following up on any of those conversations.

Then one random day, Carrie posted on Facebook about an event called Newswatch. It was one of the programmes sponsored by the chaplains at the university where students would watch news clips from the week to help keep them connected with news both locally and around the world, and especially in their home countries. Because the news clips were in English, it was also an opportunity for them, many of whom English was a second language, to brush up on their language skills. I hopped on and asked Carried if it would be ok for me to come along to just hang out. Before I knew it, Newswatch and student group Fridays had become a regular on my calendar, and the students began to count on the desserts that would show up with me.

While all this was happening, Carrie and I still hardly knew anything about each other because we both understood our priorities on Fridays were to hang out with the students. One day in the middle of nowhere just before my trip back to the States, she asked where my funds were coming from. Because Carrie herself has to raise support, she understood some of the hoops to jump through with fundraising. But as I began to explain the complexities of my situation and all the ways we've tried to work with the system, she was appalled that it had become such hard work. She then asked if I would consider having my funds come through the organisation she was working with. And then she said, "I don't know what your contract is like with your church, but if you would like to come work with us, we would love to have you."

At that time, I had already known I wasn't going to serve another term with WCF. As much as I loved my experience and had learnt a lot from my time here, I had also learnt that just because I was able to do something or learn how to do something (like run the children's ministry), it didn't always mean that I was the right person for the job. And I began to recall all the conversations I had prior to arriving in New Zealand about all the other things I was passionate about--working with migrant and international communities, and working outside the church structures to bring people into meaningful relationships with those within the church structures. And I began to trust the prompting that it was time to pursue that. All of these conversations with Carrie, Marilyn and Merv could not have been coincidental. (The Bible does say something about, "three times..." eh?)

And so Carrie and I began to talk a little bit more. All of this time, it bothered me that I didn't know how it would all fit with my (somewhat foolish) loyalty to the Church of God Reformation Movement, or how this new ministry would fit into its structures, or what I would do if it didn't. Several other things got thrown onto the scene that halted my conversations with Carrie for a while. But as things began to fall into place, as they always do, I began to realise that whether it fit into a denominational structure or not, I could no longer run away from pursuing this new ministry.

Shortly after my return from the States, several things happened that led to some significant conversations with the Wesleyan Methodist Church of New Zealand. Even though most ministries in New Zealand tend to run ecumenically, I was "raised" to respect denominational traditions, and WMCNZ would have been theologically closest to the Church of God. And it was encouraging to know that there were WMCNZ folks who, upon hearing about my ideas for a new ministry next year, got really excited and wanted to jump in to support however they can. They themselves had relationships and connections that made it easy for them to understand why this new ministry would be significant, which gave me hope to realise that I wasn't crazy for wanting to do this. As good students of missiology will tell you, outsiders may see a perceived need, but until the insiders want to address those needs themselves, they will not buy into any programme that outsiders are pitching.

So where does this lead, and what's next?

Well, I'm not exactly sure yet either. As conversations continued with Richard, superintendent of WMCNZ, I begin to realise there is potential for this to have a much bigger scope and influence than I can even foresee at this point. I would love to see this eventually develop into a community space (not necessarily physically) where students can connect with both local communities and churches, and it becoming an intergenerational relationship-building venue.

But for now, there is work to be done to get the first steps in place. Here's how you can pray with us:

• Pray for the churches that have an interest in being involved with this ministry. Pray that the existing relationships with the students will continue to be strengthened and the desire to pour into their lives will grow.
• Pray for the students that will be reached through these relationships, that they would encounter life-change in their few years in New Zealand. And pray that the relationships built here will continue to support and provide accountability for them as they return to their home-countries. 
• Because of all the complexities surrounding my support raising with several organisations in different parts of the world supporting me, it makes sorting out a visa complicated. Please pray that things will begin to fall into place for the process.
• I will also need to move out of my current living arrangements to make room for a ministry of this nature. Pray for a new living arrangement to open up that will be affordable.

And I hope you stay on board with all that is happening in New Zealand as you have all this while. Check back in, and see how the story is developing. Write, and let me know what you think. And if you're the praying type, pray.

As always,
i carry your heart
(i carry it in my heart)

Arohanui,
me

Coming up: "Why me??"

"For God so Loved the World ... and Nicodemus"

I preached my first sermon at WCF yesterday. For those who are curious, click here for the audio recording.

Shout out to the scattered community that were cheering on on Twitter. Special thanks to Joe Watkins for the images he created.

Nicodemus, Face in the Crowd

Nicodemus, Member of the exclusive Nerd-Club

Nicodemus, Coffee with Jesus

Nicodemus and Joseph of Arimathea

Table Talks: John Wesley part #1

Last Tuesday, we began a new series in our small group focusing on the life and teachings of John Wesley.

As our last sermon series was concluding, I had asked the ladies what they wanted to discuss next. Since there were so many questions raised about Wesleyan teaching as we were going through our last series, it made the most sense to do a study on John Wesley.

So that the discussions don't get completely dry and boring, we have been reading "John Wesley: The World His Parish" from the Christian Heroes series by Janet and Geoff Benge. It's written as a novel for young readers (intermediate/junior high age) so it's a very pleasant read for our small group. But what I've appreciated about the five chapters I've read so far is that it doesn't avoid getting into the deep theological terms just to keep it appropriate for young readers. Instead, the writers use those terms and go on to explain what they mean in language that is reader-friendly for its audience.

We had just gotten the books last week, so we read the first two chapters aloud during small group. Since we have been trying to tailor our children's ministry to be more family-focused (families doing Church together rather than parents do grown-up church stuff while the Kids' Church teachers babysit their kids), I was stoked that this book would be accessible for all age groups since it's an easy read-aloud book. Of course, it provides only the introductory material to John Wesley's life, but it works for our small group.

In addition to the book we're reading together, I also managed to borrow a few other books from the WMCNZ (Wesleyan Methodist Church of New Zealand) library as my study resources.

An Introduction to Wesleyan Theology by William M. Greathouse and H. Ray Dunning
Holiness for Ordinary People by Keith Drury
What a Time to be Wesleyan! by David L. McKenna

I know, this isn't a very conventional way to do small group. But I don't really know how to do "conventional," so I guess I should just be glad the ladies are happy to go with the flow.

I'm excited about this study. And even more so because after our read-aloud session last week, we all wanted to keep going. But since the point of the study isn't to zip through John Wesley's life as much as to reflect on what we can learn today, we stopped after two chapters. I'm pretty eager to get back to our discussions tomorrow.

Hey, if you're interested in reading the book with us, I know they have it on Kindle and probably at your local Christian bookstore as well. And if you want to join in the discussion with us, feel free to jump in the conversation online. I'll post a brief reflection of our discussions each week, and you can join in the conversation.

The Bridge: Making Sense Part #1

If you have been following this blog for a while, you know there have been a variety of topics that have been written about. Some of it seemed irrelevant or disconnected at the time. Welcome to my brain.

However, I'm going to begin making some connections between those posts over the next few months to help make sense of this new thing that I keep talking about starting next year. So bear with me.

In the recent post about my second Kiwi birthday, I talked about a ten-year-old dream. There was a bridge in this dream that I've been trying to make sense of for the last ten years. But none of the explanations I've managed to come up with seemed to provide resolution like what happened with the other parts of the dream. Until recently. It began making sense.

Bridges are structures that people use to get from one place to another. Some of us stay on those bridges longer than others; some of us move on quickly. In a culture as diverse and transitionary as Auckland, folks are used to people coming and going. A few days ago, Nina and I caught up with Paul, who oversees the SUPAkidz clubs we run. I had sent an e-mail to Paul explaining that my time with the children's ministry at WCF was nearly up. As we caught up over a cup of tea, Paul began asking what my plans were for the future. As I began explaining the vague ideas I had, he nodded and began getting excited on my behalf. And then he said this:

"So we're not losing you completely, right?"

The words were few, but it reinforced what I had long assumed to be true about Auckland. People come and go, and those who have stayed on are used to those transitionary folks. It affects the way people live life and the way relationships are viewed. Who amongst us are staying, and for how long? Do I let them into my life if they're going to leave after a short time?

And even more so, it affects the way we do church. How do we build a "life together" church if people are coming and going? How do we walk with each other, even if only for the short time that we're sojourning together?

As I've been thinking about how these all tie in together, the bridge imagery keeps coming back. The transitionary place. How do we make the most of our time together?

In my next few posts, I'll begin to explain more of what this bridge is going to look like. Again, I hope you stay on board with me as you have all this while. Check back in, and see how the story is developing. Write, and let me know what you think. And if you're the praying type, pray.

As always,
i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)

Arohanui,
me

Dear Keren: Piece of Home

Dear Keren,

At student group yesterday, Amy came up to me and asked for ideas of what she could get for a Chinese friend who was turning 18. She went on to explain that this friend had arrived in New Zealand two days after she did, and so she was her first friend, which made the friendship special.

It made me think of our first days at AU. You were my first friend too, but it wasn't until years later after you died when I was processing with Jenny what "home" means to me, that I realised you were also my piece of home away from home. Sure, there were lots of great memories made especially in the summer months when the campus was quieter, but I think what made our friendship special was that you made it ok for me to feel displaced. You were my home in that displacement, and you helped me made sense of so much of what eventually became a part of my identity as a Third Culture Kid.

Dear Keren, today I thank you for being that friend, and for helping me find a piece of home. If you were still around, I'd want you to be a part of this new thing I'm starting next year because you helped me become good at navigating these transitional waters. Nonetheless, I carry our friendship with me as I begin helping these international students find their place of home as they arrive in New Zealand and begin a new chapter here.

Dear Keren, thank you.

Arohanui,
me