All day today I've been asking God, I didn't come here to fall in love with these people, so what makes you think it's ok to let that happen? And then I realised, that IS really why I came here. But still it didn't make me feel any better.
I'm still looking for answers, trying to find direction. Over coffee with Natascha on Monday, I found what I had to say to her to probably be more true for myself than for her. But ich weiss nicht. It's ok to not know.
So I leave you with this prayer that an older, wiser friend of mine shared.
And on an unrelated note, I hope the recent change in background didn't throw anyone off. Also, someone just pointed out to me that they can't comment here. I just fixed that tonight, so have at it if you would like.
On that note, here's Thomas Merton...
MY LORD GOD, I have no idea where I am going.
I do not see the road ahead of me.
I cannot know for certain where it will end.
Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think that I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so.
But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you.
And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing.
I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire.
And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road though I may know nothing about it.
Therefore will I trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death.
I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.
- Thomas Merton, "Thoughts in Solitude"
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