I Didn't Mean to Fall in Love

I'll be honest. I didn't come to Germany thinking I would fall in love with this place. Mostly because it's Europe and it's overly-romanticised. Or at least, I didn't think I'd be more in love with it than with Atlanta, or Portland or New York. But I think I might have fallen. And fallen hard.

I've already mentioned in a previous entry how much I love Berlin. The last few days in Pforzheim helped me realise another small part of why I love it - there are enough culturally mixed-up people there for me to feel at home. We don't always speak the same language, but we all find one way or another to communicate with the next person we meet on the streets.

And the big city. We already know what my heart feels about the big city. I don't know if I'm the only slow one that JUST realised the places I really fell in love with are all the big cities. And falling asleep to the sounds of the city right outside my window. And sidewalks and public transport. I thought Berlin really spoke my language.

Then I came to Pforzheim. And my heart is being stirred in a way I had not expected at all. Quite frankly, when Kelley, Rhonda, Aaron and I were talking about the possibility of me coming down here to hang out for a few days while they are in the US, I didn't think too much about it. Sure it would be great to reconnect with Manuel, an old acquaintance from AU who now pastors the church here, and to see how they do church here.

But then I had to meet Luzi, Sanna and Natascha, all of whom are descendents of Germans who had migrated to Russia years and years ago. They are the second or third generation to move back to Germany from Russia, so they talk a little bit about this identity crisis thing that they go through as a result of that.

If you know anything about what kept me sane at my office job before coming to Germany, you would know it's the missionaries and especially their children. And if you know about my fascination with Smeagol from the Lord of the Rings trilogy, you would know my fascination with people who go through this identity crisis thing.

But mostly because I identify with them, having crossed culture at a fairly young age myself. I carry with me pieces from two different worlds (and now three) that don't always mesh well together. And I often find myself at a place where I'll always be considered an outsider. I may have grown up in Singapore and carry a Singaporean passport. But I don't really belong there anymore because I left, and I'll always be considered a banana because to them - I may be yellow on the outside, but I'm white on the inside (even if that may not be true). And I definitely don't look like an Anglo, so I'll never really belong in the United States (and besides, I don't actually think like most people in at least the Midwest do).

In the last three days here in Pforzheim, I've just spent a lot of time talking to (and watching football of course) people here in the church. Natascha and I sat at a cafe for a few hours yesterday sharing our stories and I found myself close to tears on a few occasions just remembering things. Luzi and I chatted for a while till fairly late last night and again I felt something moving in my soul.

Other than Manuel, these are all people I'm meeting for the first time, but already I feel like I've known them forever. And if I'm honest with myself, I haven't felt my soul stirring like that in a long time and I miss this feeling. It feels like the rain of mercy is finally falling on the parched land of my heart and I woke up this morning with a great heaviness thinking, God, what are you doing to my heart now? I can't fall in love with this place since I'm leaving tomorrow morning.

Later today, Manuel will be visiting an older Russian-German couple from the church who are amongst the group that came back from Russia and I'll get to tag along. I'll be honest. I know how I guard myself when I'm afraid of falling in love then having to say goodbye. But I don't want to deprive myself from laughing or crying wholeheartedly when I'm spending time with this couple.

You can't win, can you? Sigh.

I really didn't mean for this entry to get so personal, but somehow it did. Hey, if you're the praying type, would you say a prayer for me?


Deutschland Fussball!
On a lighter note (and also relating to my newfound love for this place), Deutschland made it to the quarter-finals of the World Cup after a spectacular game against England! After the dirty playing by Brazil and Argentina, I guess the only favourite I have left is Deutschland since Uruguay took South Korea out. I've always enjoyed a good football game, but there's nothing like watching it with a group of Germans who not only really appreciate the game and have their own "fight songs" (and no vuvuzelas), but also have a good team to root for.

Something else that I had a conversation with someone in Berlin about (I think it might have been Aaron, but I don't remember)... The German flag is never flown around here unless it's World Cup season. And there is a sense of the German pride returning after cowering in shame for the last sixty years trying to make amends for the Second World War.

They say football brings the world together. Even in the trash-talking on Facebook with people I haven't talked to in a long time, there's still that sense of we're doing something together regardless of what time-zone you live in. And especially because at least amongst my friends who are football fans, trash-talking on Facebook becomes the love-language around World Cup season.

Alright, I hope your Tuesday is terrific, my friends. And since I can't pick between the teams playing today, I'm just going to root for fair referees and good sportsmanship.

Love you all.

Call Me Mara

I had started writing this entry last Friday before the quick trip to Hannover, but it never got very much further than the title. So this one is WAY overdue, and I have much to write but I'll try to put it as succinctly as I can.

This past week, I feel like I've been invited into so many life stories. Let me tell you a few of these stories. But for privacy reasons, I've changed some of these names.

Ruth
I met Ruth one evening at Mr. Minsch, the cafe across the street from where we live. If you're ever in Kreuzberg, you need to have someone take you to Mr. Minsch. They have the best cakes we've ever tasted.

Anyway, so Ruth. She lives just below Aaron and her name had come up in several conversations previously, so of course I was intrigued. As she sat down and talked to us, there was something about the way she expressed herself that made me want to sit with her for hours. Then I realised what it was. Her quiet but intense passion for life.

I'm not sure I can find the right words to describe her, but here's my feeble attempt. If I had to explain what a hippie is, Ruth would be the personification of it. Or if there's someone who speaks Na'vi ("I see you" - yes Kelley, there's another Avatar reference for you), it would be Ruth. Ruth is someone who knew just about everyone by name. Oh, and not only by name, she could probably tell you a couple stories of their lives too. She's like a free bird, almost a drifter (she was passing by Mr. Minsch while on her bike and stopped to chat with us for about an hour). But at the same time, she's also so very grounded in reality and in touch with her community.

And then she talks about an experience she had some years back when she was really ill and described an encounter that was almost spiritual. I'm not quite sure where she lands where spirituality is concerned, but what really drew me to her was just her genuine desire to love those around her.

Tonight, she stopped by to give us some information about her dentist because my tooth has been really bothering me for about a week now. And she also shared her home remedy of simply sucking on a clove because it helps soothe the pain. I'm not sure if it was the clove or the Ibuprofin, but my tooth hasn't bothered me in awhile.

That, to me, is "one anothering."

Justin
The day after I met Ruth the first time, Rhonda and I went to another cafe at a different part of town. That's where we met Justin. I remembered seeing him with his girlfriend the last time we were at the cafe, and he was helping Amy and I explain some German grammar rules to Suzann.

That day, in really good English, Justin told us of how he learnt English when he met a guy from Scotland while he was in prison. At a young age, his parents gave him away and he ended up in the company of drug-dealers. One thing led to another and he found himself in Berlin where he lost a childhood friend in a shooting. That was when he decided to stay in Berlin.

He told us he was starting to try to figure out how to get cleaned up. He didn't like how the drugs have messed him up since a young age that now there are moments where he just can't think straight. The guy could probably have been a brilliant linguist if not for the drug use, but...  Could anyone blame him?

The same time I was listening to his story, I was reminded of a similar story I had heard as a child - one that my pastor in Singapore told often: his own life story. Funny how stories connect people, huh? It was like I heard this voice in my head saying, "His story isn't over yet." I only wish I could stick around to see the rest of it unfold.

Gretchen
Now Gretchen was just a fun lady. Rhonda had left the cafe with one of the women we met there for a few minutes and I got to chat with Gretchen. She seemed to just be excited to be able to practise her English, so she told me some of the stories she knew about the regulars at the cafe.

In one corner, there was a lady who would from time to time play with her shoes, then put on one side of a rubber glove and wave her hands around as if she had nail polish on her fingers. Gretchen told me she heard that this lady had been really beautiful when she was young. But the time in a concentration camp during the Second World War really messed her up, so now she spends her days walking around the block several times, and stopping in at the cafe once in a while to take a shower.

After all we had talked about the history of Germany, hearing this story just made reality sink in a bit more. And I'm left with the question again of, now what?

Naomi
Aaron and I made a 24-hour trip to Hannover to spend some time with Sieg, Sanna and Amy Froese. I didn't physically meet Naomi there, but I encountered her story which reminded me of how all these stories all get woven together at some point.

I've never had a child of my own, so I can't say I understand what it's like to lose a child. But I have lost a very dear friend, and had the privilege of entering into her parents' journey of learning what it means to lose a child. I can't say I can or will be able to relate to Sieg and Sanna's loss of their daughter Naomi. But the night that I spent sleeping on Naomi's bed made me thankful that Sanna was willing to let me in to that part of their story even in a small way like that. And it made me think of Francisco and Martita, and of course, Keren.


And these stories all came full-circle when I stumbled upon a little duck display thing in the Froeses' bathroom that said "My name is Ruth." Funny how this all started with Ruth and ended with Naomi huh. For me, it was a reminder that these are the stories of life. And we could choose what to do with the stories we encounter. Will it be "Let my people be your people," or will it be "Call me Mara"?

On a slightly related note...
I've been following Abby's updates on Facebook about the happenings in Colombia, both what she's doing there and the political situation. And from time to time, I've found myself wondering if what I'm doing here matters because it seems to pale in comparison to that. But I've had to remind myself that we are both gifted differently. I'm not sure how I would be able to function emotionally if I was living in Bogota. But at the same time, I thrive on randomness and creativity - and stories. Not that one is better than the other, but I think that's why there's so many of us, so that each of us can be really good at a few small things.

World Cup Fever!
And so the World Cup Fever is in full swing now. How do I know this? Just look at the amount of trash-talking on your Facebook mini-feeds. Or...
... When Deutschland won their first game against Australia on Sunday, car horns were going off and there was random cheering and yelling on the streets of Berlin.
... German flags are hanging just about everywhere. And I'm pretty sure there isn't a national German holiday around the corner.
... Speaking of flags, there are a bunch of other flags being flown. The cafe downstairs has several Spanish flags, one Brazilian and... I don't remember the last one, but I think it might be Argentina.
... Hey, speaking of Argentina, we're flying one for Mely too!
... And also, I'm sunburnt from cheering on a very impressive Chilean team at an outdoor venue with some new friends from Chile and Mexico!

Viva la World Cup!

OH! And our team is now on Facebook (but we're just starting out, so bear with us). Find us (xzberlin) and "Like" us!

Hey you folks in warmer climates than Berlin or South Africa, stay cool.
Love you all.

Something Unpredictable...

Alright, tonight's theme is unpredictability I guess. Or the little things that you find yourself stumbling into. Or maybe I just have the Green Day song stuck in my head...




It's Allergy Season...
There are some things that you learn when crossing culture that you never really expect to. Like when I first moved to the US, I had to learn what "hard water" was. In Singapore, all water that flowed through the faucets tasted the same because they came from the same source: the water treatment plant.

Or like allergies. I never knew that when the seasons change, depending on how your respiratory system is built, you could get really sick or irritated by the pollination. In Singapore, we basically only have two season: hot and wet, and hotter and wetter. Pollination? Who's ever heard of that?

This week, my allergies have been hateful. It might been that I've been outside for too long, but my nose definitely has not been happy. Nor have my eyes for that matter. Last night, I slept for about twelve hours straight. "Spring" has come really late in Berlin this year, according to Rhonda. And I'm not sure how I feel about that yet.

Office Work...
In other news, this week has involved a lot of office work and brain juice. Not that being with people doesn't require brain juice, but office work has been intensive. And once again, too much coffee has been consumed (hence tonight's late night activity). We've had a few things to work aound here. Evaluated the two-and-a-half weeks of the Urban Ministry class. Officially got my intern contract with the team here somewhat complete today. And... The website for the team.

If your organization or team has a website that is user-friendly, succinctly describes who you are and what you do, loads quickly and efficiently, will you PLEASE send us the contact information for whoever your creative team is? As Aaron would say, "Good goo!" This website business is a pain in the you-know-where.

I haven't quite decided yet if it's a blessing or a curse to be working with two people who function very differently from me. I guess seeing as this is the first time I have to work this closely in a team like that, it's always an interesting process. It's great that Kelley has the big picture and a far better understanding of what language to use to communicate with our audience (and I'm not just talking about English oder Deutsch here, although those can produce interesting problems we have to work through). And Aaron has the business plan arena down. Then there's me and my artsy-fartsy-ness. Together we should technically make a great team, but we need to speak the same language first, and also understand how each of the others work best.

It's an interesting process - really frustrating at times, but so much to learn and so much room for me to grow.

Hey, once the website is up and running, we'll let you know.

Praises...
Everytime I think about this opportunity I've had to work with this team, I count it as a blessing about five or six times over. Could there be a better match for me to do my internship? I don't know, but the Planner of these things will have to get REALLY creative.

AND the weather here has been amazing the last few days. No, really. Sunshine and 70s-80s deg F or about 20s deg C. Yes, please.

And (I already mentioned this in a previous entry, but still...) Yay for new friends and good food! Sushi, and people who speak all these different languages but yet still trying to find some way to communicate with one another? Yes, please.

So much to be thankful for. If you want all the specifics, you'll have to buy me dinner or coffee when I get back :)

Prayer Requests...
One of our team members, Mely, hurt her back on Saturday when we were out on our excursion. Doctor's put her on 3 weeks bed-rest so she can't even lift Emilia (her one-year-old) now. Adrian has dropped Emilia off here the last two days so Rhonda and I could watch her, but Mely's mum came in tonight to help out for a bit.

And also, just got news that the wife of the national leader of the Church of God in one of the Asian countries is not doing so well because her cancer has returned. Between the missionaries and the national leaders, the region has been stricken with cancer four times over - one of whom we lost in January. Also, their son and daughter-in-law will be arriving in Anderson in a couple weeks to start their Masters programs this fall. I hate not being there to give them a proper welcome, but pray for their period of adjustment.

And finally, little Kaleigh Lee will be coming into the world anytime now! My cousin's having her first baby - also first baby from our generation!


I guess that's all, kids. Hey, 39.5 hours till the first World Cup game where Mexico plays South Africa. Which teams are YOU cheering for, and which teams deserve to be trash-talked to/about?

Love you all.