As most know, I'm slightly crazy (no really, only slightly compared to the REAL nerds) about hobbits and elves and Middle Earth in general. After all, I do live in Middle Earth.
I'm acquainted with a few good people who identify themselves as hobbits--some for their physical stature; others for Bilbo's wandering spirit of adventure.
I've wanted to be a Bilbo for the journeys he took, but most would tell me I'm too lanky to be one. Besides, I find it too difficult to be content in the Shire, and too uncomfortable being in the limelight to have a whole book named for my unexpected journey.
So I wished I was a Legolas. Legolases are elegant and graceful, and have pointy ears that are kind of cute if you can get past the strangeness. But Rivendell is too peaceful of a home, and I'm too klutzy and have this inability to keep from jumping in the mud and splashing around from time to time.
I finally realised today I'm a Gimli. I'm not the leader of my pack, but I have a foolish loyalty to my clan, a deep sense of justice and come from a race that has had to reclaim home. I have trouble trusting (my father had stories of not trusting burglars until they prove themselves worthy), and I'm jealous of pretty elves who shoot arrows from a distance. Why do they get to stay pretty while I'm covered in dirt? I'm more comfortable working at a close distance with my axe (or tent peg), and Legolas really bugs me but I guess we can be friends if we're fighting the same cause.
I know, I know. I disclaimed earlier that I'm not a real Tolkien nerd. I really am not, but (in today's edition of "welcome to my brain") I'm simply trying to make sense of my role in Middle Earth, particularly as I stand at the crossroads of redefining my journey. We are not all elves or hobbits, but it takes the full fellowship of different races to complete the task at hand.
And knowing who you are and what you're best at makes it easier to focus on the task at hand, rather than trying to stay alive trying to do what isn't your task like Boromir, or being envious of those who do it differently.
Hmm. Maybe now I'll finally finish reading the entire Tolkien series. I told you I wasn't a real nerd--I've only seen the films and read half of The Hobbit. (Go ahead, you may now gasp with horror)
03 January 2014
Friday Mornings #1
Reading:
Pride and Prejudice (Jane Austen)
The Big Truck That Went By (Jonathan M. Katz)
An Altar in the World (Barbara Brown Taylor)
Highlights:
Finishing well
Gandalf's appearance at just the right moment
Low points:
Chapters closing
Anxiety
In politics:
Syria
New Zealand economy
In faith circles:
Public spaces
Denominationalism
Sitting:
By the stream in front of the gate
Pride and Prejudice (Jane Austen)
The Big Truck That Went By (Jonathan M. Katz)
An Altar in the World (Barbara Brown Taylor)
Highlights:
Finishing well
Gandalf's appearance at just the right moment
Low points:
Chapters closing
Anxiety
In politics:
Syria
New Zealand economy
In faith circles:
Public spaces
Denominationalism
Sitting:
By the stream in front of the gate
01 January 2014
Where We Come From: Of Stories And Songs
I had this discussion a few months ago with MaryAnn and Jim via Skype about what we, as the Church of God, have to offer at the ecumenical table. As churches in New Zealand tend to be more ecumenical anyway, the Church of God presence here has had many opportunities to partner with other denominations in the area--in particular an open brethren church where WCF is planted, and the Wesleyan Methodist Church (WMCNZ) as a denomination.
Because we line up fairly consistently with Wesleyan Holiness teachings, WMCNZ has welcomed us with open arms to theological conversations, particularly at their annual symposium where we sit around the table with our Nazarene and Salvationist brothers and sisters. As conversations for about the future of our partnerships continued, and as the Church of God in New Zealand continues to move forward in establishing our presence as a denomination/movement here, I began to think about what was so unique about the Church of God stream of holiness doctrine, especially in the context of New Zealand. It wasn't that I didn't believe in the one, catholic, apostolic, universal Church--it was that I believe there is room for more unity where there is diversity.
I don't remember coming away from our discussion with much of a solid conclusion (I don't think it was meant to be a close-ended conversation anyway), except for this: everybody's welcome.
In the months that passed, that discussion carried over with some of my scattered community whose theological thoughts I respect greatly. I'll confess it was tempting to try to quickly come to my own conclusions just so I could write a blog post about it and check that off the to-do list. But there was more value in waiting and mulling things over about what it was about the Church of God that I loved.
Then last week, I had the opportunity to spend a significant amount of time with three Church of God missionary-ish folks who have lived, served and travelled all around the Church of God world. (Bear in mind there are only two ordained Church of God ministers living in New Zealand--we get pretty lonely and isolated in these parts) And then I remembered two main things I love about the Church of God.
the time when they had to eat strange dishes to be culturally sensitive
the time when they embarrassed themselves while learning the new culture
the time when something about the new culture greatly disturbed them
the time when they observed someone they greatly respected on the mission field and the lessons they learnt from them
the time when they saw God working
the time when they saw the fruit of someone else's/their own labour
the time when they learnt God was the God of the universe, not just the small parts of the world they've seen
As I sat listening to Dave, Greta and Mike reminisce about the times when their journeys intersected in Japan, and all the stories in between, I was struck by the realisation that THIS is the Church of God.
We are people who believe in a God that loves the world and a God that transcends culture.
We are people who have, for more than a hundred years now, been active in the missio Dei all around the world.
We are people who keep our teachings and beliefs alive through the sharing of stories, reminding ourselves as we serve around the world that we stand on the shoulders of giants.
It took me back to being in Anderson this summer, being surrounded by the rich musicianship that we have in the Church of God. The annual NAC tradition of singing, "Child of God" with the Park Place sanctuary choir. And more importantly, the evening services when I got to sit with my scattered community, singing side by side as if we were back in the seminary chorus all over again.
And THIS is the Church of God I love.
We are people who sing our stories.
We are people whose voices come together and brings a unity that words itself cannot describe.
We are people whose songs remind us of the giants like Charles Naylor and Barney Warren who have gone before us and paved the way.
THIS is the Church of God I love.
This is where WE come from.
Because we line up fairly consistently with Wesleyan Holiness teachings, WMCNZ has welcomed us with open arms to theological conversations, particularly at their annual symposium where we sit around the table with our Nazarene and Salvationist brothers and sisters. As conversations for about the future of our partnerships continued, and as the Church of God in New Zealand continues to move forward in establishing our presence as a denomination/movement here, I began to think about what was so unique about the Church of God stream of holiness doctrine, especially in the context of New Zealand. It wasn't that I didn't believe in the one, catholic, apostolic, universal Church--it was that I believe there is room for more unity where there is diversity.
I don't remember coming away from our discussion with much of a solid conclusion (I don't think it was meant to be a close-ended conversation anyway), except for this: everybody's welcome.
In the months that passed, that discussion carried over with some of my scattered community whose theological thoughts I respect greatly. I'll confess it was tempting to try to quickly come to my own conclusions just so I could write a blog post about it and check that off the to-do list. But there was more value in waiting and mulling things over about what it was about the Church of God that I loved.
Then last week, I had the opportunity to spend a significant amount of time with three Church of God missionary-ish folks who have lived, served and travelled all around the Church of God world. (Bear in mind there are only two ordained Church of God ministers living in New Zealand--we get pretty lonely and isolated in these parts) And then I remembered two main things I love about the Church of God.
Stories
We are people of stories. One of the things I love most about my job when I was at Global Missions was the informal gatherings where the missionaries got together and exchanged stories. With missionary communities, the stories often had the same themes:the time when they had to eat strange dishes to be culturally sensitive
the time when they embarrassed themselves while learning the new culture
the time when something about the new culture greatly disturbed them
the time when they observed someone they greatly respected on the mission field and the lessons they learnt from them
the time when they saw God working
the time when they saw the fruit of someone else's/their own labour
the time when they learnt God was the God of the universe, not just the small parts of the world they've seen
As I sat listening to Dave, Greta and Mike reminisce about the times when their journeys intersected in Japan, and all the stories in between, I was struck by the realisation that THIS is the Church of God.
We are people who believe in a God that loves the world and a God that transcends culture.
We are people who have, for more than a hundred years now, been active in the missio Dei all around the world.
We are people who keep our teachings and beliefs alive through the sharing of stories, reminding ourselves as we serve around the world that we stand on the shoulders of giants.
Songs
One of the most strikingly Church of God moments I've experienced in my over two years in New Zealand was on Christmas morning. As we sang "Joy to the World" that morning, Mike nonchalantly broke out the bass line, which prompted both Greta and I to take the alto harmony line. Then last night as we sat together for Mike's last dinner before his return to Japan, we sang the Doxology in four-part harmony again.It took me back to being in Anderson this summer, being surrounded by the rich musicianship that we have in the Church of God. The annual NAC tradition of singing, "Child of God" with the Park Place sanctuary choir. And more importantly, the evening services when I got to sit with my scattered community, singing side by side as if we were back in the seminary chorus all over again.
And THIS is the Church of God I love.
We are people who sing our stories.
We are people whose voices come together and brings a unity that words itself cannot describe.
We are people whose songs remind us of the giants like Charles Naylor and Barney Warren who have gone before us and paved the way.
THIS is the Church of God I love.
This is where WE come from.
2013: The Year That...Was
I haven't written a personal update here in quite a while, I know.
The last few months have been dark. Very dark. And how does one allow a general internet public into the darkness of one's life when it's so personal, especially when I keep hearing my mum's voice saying, "Yes, but... Hope. Fill it with hope."
Well, we wait.
2013 was a difficult year for WCF. In the 28-ish months I served as Children's Ministry Coordinator, we've seen major leadership changes. I was the last remaining of the five pastoral staff I came on board with, and yesterday was my last official day on staff. For a congregation so young to be shaken so deeply at the core meant that those in the middle of all the changes had a heavy load to carry. As much as I've tried not to let my identity be wrapped up around a job, job title or job description, with all the changes happening around me, I felt my sense of Jael being consumed by my role at WCF.
I could write of all the circumstances in detail that led to my downward spiral into clinical depression, therapy and medication. But what would be the use of that? We like finding things or people to blame. For the longest time, I felt like my circumstances were completely at fault and there was nothing I could do to make it stop. But then I learnt it's what happens when one's serotonin levels are completely whacked from too much over-functioning over too long a period of time. You know, that chemical imbalance thing that happens to people who are depressed. You just feel like you've lost control of your own life completely.
Then I lived in guilt for a long time. After all, I've spent significant amounts of time preparing for ministry and learning what it means to help those dealing with depression to cope--why wasn't I able to prevent it from happening to myself?
On the surface, I managed to pull off looking like I was coping. But those who knew could tell I was pretending, and I was really just trying not to drown. The actual near-drowning episode I had earlier in the year would surface again, and there would be moments when I felt like it would just be a whole lot easier to just let go instead of trying to find the strength to fight back and stay afloat.
It didn't help that in all my pretending, I constantly felt like I was screwing up relationships because in my struggle to just stay afloat, I didn't know how to be real with people anymore. I hated who I was becoming.
But perhaps what I felt most guilty about was that my relationship with the One that always gave me hope and that little bit more had taken the back-burner. How could I possibly be in ministry when God was given the back-seat, acknowledged when necessary, but mostly told to wait on the sidelines until my anger over all the shit that had happened had cooled off?
I could keep going about the depression spiral, and even all the therapy sessions I coasted through with my pretence. But instead, I'll tell you about the one particularly difficult session where the deepest and longest struggle I've had with my identity was shaken to the core.
Some of those closest to me know of this baggage I've carried for at least sixteen years--that I was a rubbish bin used for holding everyone else's junk, left out on the streets for the rubbish collector that never comes, and only given attention to when more junk needed to be disposed of (yes, I wrote this in a journal for school when I was 11--I don't think my teacher then knew what to do with me. Child psychology isn't quite as developed in Asian education systems). I thought I had worked through that with mentors and Spiritual Formation in seminary, but it took my therapist looking me in the eye and saying, "When you first began your relationship with Jesus, did you think the relationship he wanted was with the rubbish bin?" for that to crack.
Well, how's that for a review of 2013?
There you have it. 2013 was one hell of a shitty year, but that's for the history books now. I'm on the long road of recovery: feeling a little bit more like the Jael I got to know and love in my seminary days (except a lot more Kiwi), learning to say no and taking back control of my own life. I don't know if I've screwed some relationships up to the point of no-return, but for those of you who have been patient with me, I'm eternally grateful.
Here's to you who keep prodding me back to the path of doing what's right but difficult to do.
Here's to you who remind me it's ok to want heap coals on the heads of those who always seem to complicate things.
Here's to you who keep extending grace, and reminding me to do the same for myself.
Here's to you who remind me #WeBelong.
Here's to 2014.
Cheers, mate.
Arohanui
The last few months have been dark. Very dark. And how does one allow a general internet public into the darkness of one's life when it's so personal, especially when I keep hearing my mum's voice saying, "Yes, but... Hope. Fill it with hope."
Well, we wait.
2013 was a difficult year for WCF. In the 28-ish months I served as Children's Ministry Coordinator, we've seen major leadership changes. I was the last remaining of the five pastoral staff I came on board with, and yesterday was my last official day on staff. For a congregation so young to be shaken so deeply at the core meant that those in the middle of all the changes had a heavy load to carry. As much as I've tried not to let my identity be wrapped up around a job, job title or job description, with all the changes happening around me, I felt my sense of Jael being consumed by my role at WCF.
I could write of all the circumstances in detail that led to my downward spiral into clinical depression, therapy and medication. But what would be the use of that? We like finding things or people to blame. For the longest time, I felt like my circumstances were completely at fault and there was nothing I could do to make it stop. But then I learnt it's what happens when one's serotonin levels are completely whacked from too much over-functioning over too long a period of time. You know, that chemical imbalance thing that happens to people who are depressed. You just feel like you've lost control of your own life completely.
Then I lived in guilt for a long time. After all, I've spent significant amounts of time preparing for ministry and learning what it means to help those dealing with depression to cope--why wasn't I able to prevent it from happening to myself?
On the surface, I managed to pull off looking like I was coping. But those who knew could tell I was pretending, and I was really just trying not to drown. The actual near-drowning episode I had earlier in the year would surface again, and there would be moments when I felt like it would just be a whole lot easier to just let go instead of trying to find the strength to fight back and stay afloat.
It didn't help that in all my pretending, I constantly felt like I was screwing up relationships because in my struggle to just stay afloat, I didn't know how to be real with people anymore. I hated who I was becoming.
But perhaps what I felt most guilty about was that my relationship with the One that always gave me hope and that little bit more had taken the back-burner. How could I possibly be in ministry when God was given the back-seat, acknowledged when necessary, but mostly told to wait on the sidelines until my anger over all the shit that had happened had cooled off?
I could keep going about the depression spiral, and even all the therapy sessions I coasted through with my pretence. But instead, I'll tell you about the one particularly difficult session where the deepest and longest struggle I've had with my identity was shaken to the core.
Some of those closest to me know of this baggage I've carried for at least sixteen years--that I was a rubbish bin used for holding everyone else's junk, left out on the streets for the rubbish collector that never comes, and only given attention to when more junk needed to be disposed of (yes, I wrote this in a journal for school when I was 11--I don't think my teacher then knew what to do with me. Child psychology isn't quite as developed in Asian education systems). I thought I had worked through that with mentors and Spiritual Formation in seminary, but it took my therapist looking me in the eye and saying, "When you first began your relationship with Jesus, did you think the relationship he wanted was with the rubbish bin?" for that to crack.
Well, how's that for a review of 2013?
There you have it. 2013 was one hell of a shitty year, but that's for the history books now. I'm on the long road of recovery: feeling a little bit more like the Jael I got to know and love in my seminary days (except a lot more Kiwi), learning to say no and taking back control of my own life. I don't know if I've screwed some relationships up to the point of no-return, but for those of you who have been patient with me, I'm eternally grateful.
Here's to you who keep prodding me back to the path of doing what's right but difficult to do.
Here's to you who remind me it's ok to want heap coals on the heads of those who always seem to complicate things.
Here's to you who keep extending grace, and reminding me to do the same for myself.
Here's to you who remind me #WeBelong.
Here's to 2014.
Cheers, mate.
Arohanui
 |
| The Koru plant A symbol of new beginnings and new life |
31 December 2013
27 New Years
I don't suppose 27 count for a lot when it comes to the number of New Years I've seen.
As 2013 draws to a close, I'm taken back to a few of the more memorable New Years I've celebrated.
There was the one in 2000. Dad worked in the heart of the city (Orchard Rd) at the time. As building manager, he was on-call in case things fell apart with the Y2K bug that everyone seemed to be paranoid about. So Dad drove my brother and I, together with our closest friends at the time, to and from town so we could countdown with the revellers while he was at work.
Then there were the several watch-night services at the Church of God congregation in Singapore that I grew up in. Us youth always looked forward to that time, not so much because it was the watch-night service, but because we got to hang out together at church till the wee hours of the morning.
Then there were the ones where my family started travelling together more over the Christmas/New Year season. Some of the traditions that we used to celebrate with our church family were no longer observed. The times were a-changin'.
I remember the New Years we celebrated in China (2009), Cambodia (2010) and Auckland (2012) best.
China has always been special because of my deep appreciation for our cultural roots, and that being the first place I felt like I was called to serve. To be there with family, tracing our roots to my grandfather's village made it extra special.
Cambodia was special because in all the flurry of activities in our week there, when the clock struck midnight in Cambodia, my siblings and I were like little kids again, running out to the balcony to watch the fireworks.
Auckland was special because this was my new home, and I got to share it with my family for the first time.
And as I sit here quietly taking in the last few minutes of 2013 here in Auckland, I realise it's true that the older you get, what you value changes. The hustle and bustle and flurry of activities don't matter as much as simply sitting with family and the good people in your life, and giving thanks for making it through another year.
To each one of you that have cheered me on and pushed me forward through an unkind year, thank you.
To each one of you that have carried me without expecting anything in return, thank you.
To each one of you that have put up with my crap, instability and lack of consistency this year, thank you.
And finally, and most importantly, to the God of grace, love and faithfulness, I give praise for not giving up on me this year.
Dear 2013, I won't deny that I have been looking forward to this day where I can finally pack you away in the history books. You have been most unkind, and I'm more than ready to say our goodbyes. But as I do, I want to say thank you as well, that in your unkindness, you taught me to love myself better. Goodbye now.
Here's to 2014. Here's to hope, peace, faith, joy and love.
Here's to you.
Cheers, mate.
Arohanui
As 2013 draws to a close, I'm taken back to a few of the more memorable New Years I've celebrated.
There was the one in 2000. Dad worked in the heart of the city (Orchard Rd) at the time. As building manager, he was on-call in case things fell apart with the Y2K bug that everyone seemed to be paranoid about. So Dad drove my brother and I, together with our closest friends at the time, to and from town so we could countdown with the revellers while he was at work.
Then there were the several watch-night services at the Church of God congregation in Singapore that I grew up in. Us youth always looked forward to that time, not so much because it was the watch-night service, but because we got to hang out together at church till the wee hours of the morning.
Then there were the ones where my family started travelling together more over the Christmas/New Year season. Some of the traditions that we used to celebrate with our church family were no longer observed. The times were a-changin'.
I remember the New Years we celebrated in China (2009), Cambodia (2010) and Auckland (2012) best.
China has always been special because of my deep appreciation for our cultural roots, and that being the first place I felt like I was called to serve. To be there with family, tracing our roots to my grandfather's village made it extra special.
Cambodia was special because in all the flurry of activities in our week there, when the clock struck midnight in Cambodia, my siblings and I were like little kids again, running out to the balcony to watch the fireworks.
Auckland was special because this was my new home, and I got to share it with my family for the first time.
And as I sit here quietly taking in the last few minutes of 2013 here in Auckland, I realise it's true that the older you get, what you value changes. The hustle and bustle and flurry of activities don't matter as much as simply sitting with family and the good people in your life, and giving thanks for making it through another year.
To each one of you that have cheered me on and pushed me forward through an unkind year, thank you.
To each one of you that have carried me without expecting anything in return, thank you.
To each one of you that have put up with my crap, instability and lack of consistency this year, thank you.
And finally, and most importantly, to the God of grace, love and faithfulness, I give praise for not giving up on me this year.
Dear 2013, I won't deny that I have been looking forward to this day where I can finally pack you away in the history books. You have been most unkind, and I'm more than ready to say our goodbyes. But as I do, I want to say thank you as well, that in your unkindness, you taught me to love myself better. Goodbye now.
Here's to 2014. Here's to hope, peace, faith, joy and love.
Here's to you.
Cheers, mate.
Arohanui
24 December 2013
Christmas Eve on the Road to Bethlehem
It was a day like any other day.
For months now, she had been preparing for this
Ever since the pronouncement came
She had made room in her home and her heart
She had sat in wonder of what life would be like
I have traveled many moonless nights
Cold and weary with a babe inside
It was a day like any other day.
For months now, she had been preparing for this
Ever since the pronouncement came
She had wondered, Why her
She had thought, Was it honour, or was it shame
And I wonder what I've done
Holy Father, You have come
And chosen me now to carry Your Son
It was a day like any other day.
For months now, she had been preparing for this
Ever since the pronouncement came
She had struggled with the uncertainty
She had wondered if it had been sheer craziness
I am waiting in a silent prayer
I am frightened by the load I bear
It was a day like any other day.
For months now, she had been preparing for this
Ever since the pronouncement came
She had found judgment in the eyes of those that didn't understand
She had also found patience in the ones that loved her
In a world as cold as stone
Must I walk this path alone?
Be with me now, be with me now
Breath of Heaven, hold me together
Be forever near me, Breath of Heaven
Breath of Heaven, lighten my darkness
Pour over me Your holiness for You are holy
Breath of Heaven
It was a day like any other day.
For months now, she had been waiting for this
Ever since she chose to be a part of The Plan
And now she chose to obey the law of the land
And now she chose to take the road to Bethlehem
Do you wonder as you watch my face
If a wiser one should have had my place?
It was a day like any other day.
For months now, she had been waiting for this
Ever since she chose to be a part of The Plan
And now she chose to continue on the dusty roads
And now she chose to wander further into the unknown
But I offer all I am
For the mercy of Your plan
Help me be strong, help me
Breath of Heaven, hold me together
Be forever near me, Breath of Heaven
Breath of Heaven, lighten my darkness
Pour over me Your holiness for You are holy
Breath of Heaven
It was a day like any other day.
Or was it?
19 December 2013
My "What If" Life
I was Skyping with Emily this morning and she brought up this thing about the "What If" life. You know, "what if" life could be different? "What if" we hadn't been called to ministry?
I've often wondered about that question too, particularly on days where... Oh, you know, the task of raising $30,000 for immigration seems daunting.
I imagine I likely wouldn't have gone to Anderson University. I would have stayed in Singapore and finished a degree in history because of the influence of the two history teachers I had that taught me to love history.
I imagine this thing called "grad school" or seminary, or getting a Master's degree wouldn't have crossed my mind. I would have gone straight to becoming a history teacher with a passion for war history and the social injustices the people suffered during those war times.
I imagine instead of going to Berlin for an urban ministry internship, I would have gone for a study abroad in, say, Vienna. I've always loved classical music, particularly the way the arts reflect what is going on in the world.
I imagine after all that, I'll settle comfortably into a teaching job and retire as a history teacher some 40-50 years down the road with a healthy amount of savings and a safe amount of retirement in my CPF (Singapore's equivalent to social security).
I imagine instead of travelling between Singapore and the States during my vacation times to visit "family" and fundraise, I'd be taking short weekend trips to various cheap holiday destinations around south east Asia to eat, shop and go to spas.
I imagine I wouldn't be going to a therapist or medicating for depression.
I would be able to leave work at work and not feel the weight of my vocation 24/7.
I would have a steady pay-check and not worry about justifying that I've done enough to warrant asking others to sacrifice a bit of their paycheck so I could also eat and pay bills. And I wouldn't have to worry that I don't have any savings or retirement.
I would have my own little place to live in and accumulate memories rather than live out of boxes and suitcases half the time, waiting for the next time I move halfway across the world again.
But I also imagine that this deep sense of peace and hope I have now would be replaced by an emptiness whose "what if"s included, "What if I really was created for something more?"
Because as so many others have shared with me, if we could do anything else with our lives instead of ministry and be happy, we would have. Yet I'm called to a vocation of building communities that offer hope to places of brokenness, and a safe space for those wandering. And in my own struggle for peace, hope, and an identity that is stripped from cultural and national ties, I find joy in being able to walk those journeys with others, particularly in knowing that this is what I'm created to be.
And I wouldn't trade any of this for the "What If" life.
I've often wondered about that question too, particularly on days where... Oh, you know, the task of raising $30,000 for immigration seems daunting.
I imagine I likely wouldn't have gone to Anderson University. I would have stayed in Singapore and finished a degree in history because of the influence of the two history teachers I had that taught me to love history.
I imagine this thing called "grad school" or seminary, or getting a Master's degree wouldn't have crossed my mind. I would have gone straight to becoming a history teacher with a passion for war history and the social injustices the people suffered during those war times.
I imagine instead of going to Berlin for an urban ministry internship, I would have gone for a study abroad in, say, Vienna. I've always loved classical music, particularly the way the arts reflect what is going on in the world.
I imagine after all that, I'll settle comfortably into a teaching job and retire as a history teacher some 40-50 years down the road with a healthy amount of savings and a safe amount of retirement in my CPF (Singapore's equivalent to social security).
I imagine instead of travelling between Singapore and the States during my vacation times to visit "family" and fundraise, I'd be taking short weekend trips to various cheap holiday destinations around south east Asia to eat, shop and go to spas.
I imagine I wouldn't be going to a therapist or medicating for depression.
I would be able to leave work at work and not feel the weight of my vocation 24/7.
I would have a steady pay-check and not worry about justifying that I've done enough to warrant asking others to sacrifice a bit of their paycheck so I could also eat and pay bills. And I wouldn't have to worry that I don't have any savings or retirement.
I would have my own little place to live in and accumulate memories rather than live out of boxes and suitcases half the time, waiting for the next time I move halfway across the world again.
But I also imagine that this deep sense of peace and hope I have now would be replaced by an emptiness whose "what if"s included, "What if I really was created for something more?"
Because as so many others have shared with me, if we could do anything else with our lives instead of ministry and be happy, we would have. Yet I'm called to a vocation of building communities that offer hope to places of brokenness, and a safe space for those wandering. And in my own struggle for peace, hope, and an identity that is stripped from cultural and national ties, I find joy in being able to walk those journeys with others, particularly in knowing that this is what I'm created to be.
And I wouldn't trade any of this for the "What If" life.
16 December 2013
Stories From The Bridge Part #1 - Christmas at a Ministry House
I first met Nesta about a week ago when Janice, Kathrin and I went to open a new bank account for the National Ministries of the Church of God.
With his, "cool, cool..." and his "sweet as," he sounded as Kiwi as the next bloke on the street. Then today, I found out he's still pretty nervous about his English, albeit less than he was 5 years ago when he first arrived in New Zealand for university. He credits the vast improvement in his language skills to a woman (who just so happened to also be from Singapore!) who was a part of a ministry house community that offered English Bible studies amongst other avenues where he had the opportunity to practise English.
When I told him that if my visa got approved, I would be running a similar ministry house, he said that was definitely needed. "Most students are here by themselves. Thankfully, my dad travelled with me from China and I had an uncle here to help support me. But it can still be lonely. And the people I stayed with in that house, we became really good friends and could help support each other."
When asked if he had plans for Christmas, he said he would have wanted to travel back to China. During his last trip home, he began to realise he needed to be able to make more trips home as he was the only child (thanks to China's one-child policy). But since he only had 2 days off from work, it has become tradition to return to the house he lived in for the last 5 years for their Christmas "family" celebration.
Nesta is only one of many international students in Auckland who was significantly supported by a ministry house. Through the ministry of The Bridge, we hope that we will be able to reach more students. Will you consider supporting our ministry?
Within the US, funds can be sent to:
Global Missions
PO Box 2420
Anderson, IN 46018
(Project number: 42.40411)
In Singapore, contact me or my mum for the account number to transfer funds.
Anywhere else, send us an e-mail at thebridge.akl@gmail.com for bank account information.
Ta muchly. We appreciate you.
With his, "cool, cool..." and his "sweet as," he sounded as Kiwi as the next bloke on the street. Then today, I found out he's still pretty nervous about his English, albeit less than he was 5 years ago when he first arrived in New Zealand for university. He credits the vast improvement in his language skills to a woman (who just so happened to also be from Singapore!) who was a part of a ministry house community that offered English Bible studies amongst other avenues where he had the opportunity to practise English.
When I told him that if my visa got approved, I would be running a similar ministry house, he said that was definitely needed. "Most students are here by themselves. Thankfully, my dad travelled with me from China and I had an uncle here to help support me. But it can still be lonely. And the people I stayed with in that house, we became really good friends and could help support each other."
When asked if he had plans for Christmas, he said he would have wanted to travel back to China. During his last trip home, he began to realise he needed to be able to make more trips home as he was the only child (thanks to China's one-child policy). But since he only had 2 days off from work, it has become tradition to return to the house he lived in for the last 5 years for their Christmas "family" celebration.
Nesta is only one of many international students in Auckland who was significantly supported by a ministry house. Through the ministry of The Bridge, we hope that we will be able to reach more students. Will you consider supporting our ministry?
Within the US, funds can be sent to:
Global Missions
PO Box 2420
Anderson, IN 46018
(Project number: 42.40411)
In Singapore, contact me or my mum for the account number to transfer funds.
Anywhere else, send us an e-mail at thebridge.akl@gmail.com for bank account information.
Ta muchly. We appreciate you.
23 October 2013
The Bridge: The Love's Hangover Connection
I first met Emily my freshman year at Anderson University. She was in high school at the time, but her sister, Irene, was starting college the same year as me. We had gotten connected because her mum was also the office assistant for the international students association, and Emily often spent the time when she wasn’t at school hanging out in the office.
Somewhere between her freshman year at AU (my sophomore year) and my stint in Berlin, we stopped talking. I honestly didn’t even realize it had happened since I had been too self-absorbed in trying to finish college in 3 years to pay attention to the people around me.
Anyhow, the years passed and around the time I was preparing for Berlin, she got in touch and wanted to know if there was anything she and Irene could do to help get me there. One of the first things she said was, “You need to explain this Germany thing to me because you’re not the shove-Bible-down-people’s-throats missionary type, so why are you going, and what will you be doing?”
As I began to explain the ministry of XZBerlin, she said without hesitation that she and Irene were on-board to help fundraise. They had been running a handmade jewelry business for a while by then. As Emily would explain, Love’s Hangover had started as a hobby, but before long there were beads exploding all over their home. Since the beads got kicked out of their family home, they enlisted the help of their brother, Dennis, as their financial advisor, and rented a shop space in Noblesville, Indiana.
As their hobby expanded into a full-time business, Emily began to realize there was potential for Love’s Hangover to help sponsor other charitable organisations and ministry opportunities around the world—which was why she got in touch when she found out I was headed for Berlin. That was the real beginning of our friendship. “Business” conversations aside, she also asked questions about Keren’s death from a spiritual perspective that few others understood. She had also started working closely with one of my former roommates, Daria to start up other projects around the world. As we spent more time together, we often reminisced about our days as international students (Daria is from Poland; Emily and Irene’s family had emigrated from Kenya), and all the times spent with Scott and Anjie Martin who had become like our international mum and dad.
In the time that passed since Berlin, Emily and Love’s Hangover have been an incredible support for all the crazy stuff I’ve taken on around the world. Their business has exploded and taken them all over the US where they have even dressed Hollywood celebrities. Yet Emily still takes the time for small gigs like hosting tea and jewelry parties to help fundraise for The Bridge, for which I’m eternally grateful. I get to give back a little bit once in a while by sending over NZ-style beads and accessories, and generating publicity for them through fundraising projects and other ministry contacts like church craft fairs.
The friendship with Emily and Love’s Hangover has been a big inspiration for the ministry of The Bridge. If not for Scott and Anjie opening their home as a hang-out spot for us as international students, I don’t know that Emily and I would have much to talk about today or still be in contact, much less working together to impact the Kingdom around the world.
Part of what we hope to achieve through The Bridge is that students will be able to develop relationships that they can take with them past graduation, the same way that Emily and Love’s Hangover has been for me. Will you, your church or missions committee consider partnering with us? In time to come, we will be rolling out additional avenues for partnership, but our top priority at this point is fundraising. While we hope to eventually reach a point of self-sustainability, we are needing a start-up fund that will help get the word out about The Bridge and also sponsor my visa application. We are still working through the process through which funds can be received for The Bridge, but we would love to hear from you if you are able to help make this happen, whether through a one-time gift, a pledged donation, or hosting a jewelry and tea party through Love’s Hangover.**
Asante sana
Arohanui
** Limited to areas within reasonable driving distance from Noblesville, Indiana unless you're able to help cover transport costs.
Somewhere between her freshman year at AU (my sophomore year) and my stint in Berlin, we stopped talking. I honestly didn’t even realize it had happened since I had been too self-absorbed in trying to finish college in 3 years to pay attention to the people around me.
Anyhow, the years passed and around the time I was preparing for Berlin, she got in touch and wanted to know if there was anything she and Irene could do to help get me there. One of the first things she said was, “You need to explain this Germany thing to me because you’re not the shove-Bible-down-people’s-throats missionary type, so why are you going, and what will you be doing?”
As I began to explain the ministry of XZBerlin, she said without hesitation that she and Irene were on-board to help fundraise. They had been running a handmade jewelry business for a while by then. As Emily would explain, Love’s Hangover had started as a hobby, but before long there were beads exploding all over their home. Since the beads got kicked out of their family home, they enlisted the help of their brother, Dennis, as their financial advisor, and rented a shop space in Noblesville, Indiana.
As their hobby expanded into a full-time business, Emily began to realize there was potential for Love’s Hangover to help sponsor other charitable organisations and ministry opportunities around the world—which was why she got in touch when she found out I was headed for Berlin. That was the real beginning of our friendship. “Business” conversations aside, she also asked questions about Keren’s death from a spiritual perspective that few others understood. She had also started working closely with one of my former roommates, Daria to start up other projects around the world. As we spent more time together, we often reminisced about our days as international students (Daria is from Poland; Emily and Irene’s family had emigrated from Kenya), and all the times spent with Scott and Anjie Martin who had become like our international mum and dad.
In the time that passed since Berlin, Emily and Love’s Hangover have been an incredible support for all the crazy stuff I’ve taken on around the world. Their business has exploded and taken them all over the US where they have even dressed Hollywood celebrities. Yet Emily still takes the time for small gigs like hosting tea and jewelry parties to help fundraise for The Bridge, for which I’m eternally grateful. I get to give back a little bit once in a while by sending over NZ-style beads and accessories, and generating publicity for them through fundraising projects and other ministry contacts like church craft fairs.
The friendship with Emily and Love’s Hangover has been a big inspiration for the ministry of The Bridge. If not for Scott and Anjie opening their home as a hang-out spot for us as international students, I don’t know that Emily and I would have much to talk about today or still be in contact, much less working together to impact the Kingdom around the world.
Part of what we hope to achieve through The Bridge is that students will be able to develop relationships that they can take with them past graduation, the same way that Emily and Love’s Hangover has been for me. Will you, your church or missions committee consider partnering with us? In time to come, we will be rolling out additional avenues for partnership, but our top priority at this point is fundraising. While we hope to eventually reach a point of self-sustainability, we are needing a start-up fund that will help get the word out about The Bridge and also sponsor my visa application. We are still working through the process through which funds can be received for The Bridge, but we would love to hear from you if you are able to help make this happen, whether through a one-time gift, a pledged donation, or hosting a jewelry and tea party through Love’s Hangover.**
Asante sana
Arohanui
** Limited to areas within reasonable driving distance from Noblesville, Indiana unless you're able to help cover transport costs.
16 October 2013
Ministry Update: An Introduction to "The Bridge"
Dear friends,
Two years ago, you journeyed with me to Auckland, New Zealand where I had the opportunity to serve alongside Westside Christian Fellowship (WCF), the Church of God congregation here. It has been two great years of celebrations and struggles; in all, an incredible learning experience I would not have traded for the world. I am thankful for God’s faithfulness and your friendship that has sustained me. As the year draws to a close, my term with WCF will also be concluding. I am excited to share with you about a new ministry that will be starting next year.
The Bridge, Auckland
The Bridge is a collaborative project between the National Ministries of the Church of God, New Zealand and other local organizations in the heart of downtown Auckland. The ministry focuses on developing relationships with international students at Auckland University of Technology (AUT) that will provide foundation for spiritual growth that can be sustained after graduation.
While this ministry has come together in a form and timing I had least expected, that the pieces have fallen into place has only confirmed that God’s hand has been at work weaving it all together. My personal experience as an international student at Anderson University (AU) makes the ministry of The Bridge close to home for me. What helped me flourish as an undergraduate at AU was the presence of the International Students Association, directed by Scott Martin. Scott and Anjie’s home was always open to us as a hang-out spot for game nights, (soccer) World Cups and Superbowls. It was a safe space to be homesick, and to tell stories and make food from our home cultures. Our desire is for The Bridge to provide a similar space for students at AUT.
Partners
Currently, there are on-going conversations with other local organizations to create partnerships that will support each other as we recognize that this ministry cannot exist by itself. International Students Ministries of New Zealand (ISMNZ) is a chaplaincy programme that serves international university students in New Zealand. They offer English as a Second Language (ESL) activities for students who want to brush up on language skills, as well as Bible Study groups that focus on discipleship and evangelism. We are exploring ways to work together to offer a greater variety of resources for students.
Through my current role at WCF, I also have had the opportunity to develop relationships with the Wesleyan Methodist Church of New Zealand (WMCNZ). Rev. Dr. Richard Waugh (national superintendent) and Rev. Amber Livermore (national youth consultant) have played key roles in the brainstorming process for The Bridge. While they have a vibrant national youth ministry at the moment, there is concern that we will lose the youth as they graduate from high school and enter university. We are hopeful that The Bridge can become a safe space for them to explore questions of faith and spirituality.
We are also hoping to partner with local churches to provide “adopt-a-student” schemes and other similar programmes. We currently have the support of WCF and The NZ Journey Community, a ministry led by Rev. Janice Spearritt (ordained minister of the Church of God), and will continue conversations with other congregations in the area to create a network of churches that we can point students to.
And we want you on board as well. Here are some ways you can partner with us:
Begin praying
New Zealand immigration and charities commission require that we have evidence of USD$30,000 per year for The Bridge to be registered as an organisation that can sponsor my visa. This amount will cover my living expenses as well as underwrite ministry costs. Will you, your church and/or missions committee consider partnering with The Bridge in this way? Information on where you can send funds will be available soon. ·
The less-conventional ways
Part of the vision of The Bridge is to become a network of resources. In the coming weeks, we will be creating a web presence on Facebook, Twitter (follow @BridgeAKL) and the official The Bridge website. Consider partnering with us through offering resources such as sharing devotional thoughts, event/party ideas, recipes or anything you think a university student might need.
And we hope you will stay in touch. We would love to share stories of what is happening here, and be kept informed of how we might be able to support you as well.
Thank you once again for your friendship and all the different ways you have partnered with the Church of God in New Zealand. We are better when we are together.
Arohanui
Two years ago, you journeyed with me to Auckland, New Zealand where I had the opportunity to serve alongside Westside Christian Fellowship (WCF), the Church of God congregation here. It has been two great years of celebrations and struggles; in all, an incredible learning experience I would not have traded for the world. I am thankful for God’s faithfulness and your friendship that has sustained me. As the year draws to a close, my term with WCF will also be concluding. I am excited to share with you about a new ministry that will be starting next year.
The Bridge, Auckland
The Bridge is a collaborative project between the National Ministries of the Church of God, New Zealand and other local organizations in the heart of downtown Auckland. The ministry focuses on developing relationships with international students at Auckland University of Technology (AUT) that will provide foundation for spiritual growth that can be sustained after graduation.
While this ministry has come together in a form and timing I had least expected, that the pieces have fallen into place has only confirmed that God’s hand has been at work weaving it all together. My personal experience as an international student at Anderson University (AU) makes the ministry of The Bridge close to home for me. What helped me flourish as an undergraduate at AU was the presence of the International Students Association, directed by Scott Martin. Scott and Anjie’s home was always open to us as a hang-out spot for game nights, (soccer) World Cups and Superbowls. It was a safe space to be homesick, and to tell stories and make food from our home cultures. Our desire is for The Bridge to provide a similar space for students at AUT.
Partners
Currently, there are on-going conversations with other local organizations to create partnerships that will support each other as we recognize that this ministry cannot exist by itself. International Students Ministries of New Zealand (ISMNZ) is a chaplaincy programme that serves international university students in New Zealand. They offer English as a Second Language (ESL) activities for students who want to brush up on language skills, as well as Bible Study groups that focus on discipleship and evangelism. We are exploring ways to work together to offer a greater variety of resources for students.
Through my current role at WCF, I also have had the opportunity to develop relationships with the Wesleyan Methodist Church of New Zealand (WMCNZ). Rev. Dr. Richard Waugh (national superintendent) and Rev. Amber Livermore (national youth consultant) have played key roles in the brainstorming process for The Bridge. While they have a vibrant national youth ministry at the moment, there is concern that we will lose the youth as they graduate from high school and enter university. We are hopeful that The Bridge can become a safe space for them to explore questions of faith and spirituality.
We are also hoping to partner with local churches to provide “adopt-a-student” schemes and other similar programmes. We currently have the support of WCF and The NZ Journey Community, a ministry led by Rev. Janice Spearritt (ordained minister of the Church of God), and will continue conversations with other congregations in the area to create a network of churches that we can point students to.
And we want you on board as well. Here are some ways you can partner with us:
Begin praying
- Pray for the students that we will be interacting with. Even if they are still in high school at the moment, begin praying that our interactions with them will bring spiritual fruit.
- Pray that we will find an affordable space that can serve both as a ministry house and housing for me.
- Pray for the ministry partners who will come on board, that we may all be able to build relationships with students that will support them along their journey.
- Pray that we will be able to jump through all the hoops to get The Bridge officially recognized as a religious charity organization locally.
New Zealand immigration and charities commission require that we have evidence of USD$30,000 per year for The Bridge to be registered as an organisation that can sponsor my visa. This amount will cover my living expenses as well as underwrite ministry costs. Will you, your church and/or missions committee consider partnering with The Bridge in this way? Information on where you can send funds will be available soon. ·
The less-conventional ways
Part of the vision of The Bridge is to become a network of resources. In the coming weeks, we will be creating a web presence on Facebook, Twitter (follow @BridgeAKL) and the official The Bridge website. Consider partnering with us through offering resources such as sharing devotional thoughts, event/party ideas, recipes or anything you think a university student might need.
And we hope you will stay in touch. We would love to share stories of what is happening here, and be kept informed of how we might be able to support you as well.
Thank you once again for your friendship and all the different ways you have partnered with the Church of God in New Zealand. We are better when we are together.
Arohanui
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